Empower Newsletter – December 2016

‘the feeling of absent mindedness’

Have you ever walked into a room and forgotten what you walked in there for?  If you are anything like me it happens often!  You probably got side tracked along the way with something else you saw that needed your attention or with thoughts going through your mind.

Whatever the reason, it certainly wasn’t because you were totally focused on the task at hand.  A friend of mine told me that it happened to her so much that she never finished anything, so she made it a habit to finish what she was doing before she started anything else.  It turned out she wasn’t losing it and she wasn’t even absent minded!

Paying attention to the task at hand is made easy by keeping focused.  It will not only ensure it gets completed it will also ensure it gets done to the best of your ability.

This also translates to many other important areas of our lives such as relationships, business and spiritual.  Imagine how much more you would take away from a meditation by keeping your focus on the task at hand instead of thinking about your day or maybe what you are going to have for dinner.

By focusing on a phone call and by doing nothing else besides listening wholeheartedly to the person on the other end will result in a much better outcome.  We instinctively know if someone is truly listening to us and because it makes us feel important we form better relationships.  If you are going to take or make the phone call in the first place surely it is worth while creating the space to give your complete attention to that person.

A lot of people lead very busy lives and this can often create an urgency that they need to get a lot done in a short amount of time.  By prioritising what is truly important to you and letting go of the less important things it will free up a lot of your time and leave you to create better outcomes with the things you have prioritised as being more important.

To help you work out what is more important to you here are four questions you can ask yourself.  I suggest you write down your answers to refer back to.

What will happen if I do it?

What will happen if I don’t do it?

What won’t happen if I do it?

What won’t happen if I don’t do it?

It’s time to prioritise!

Prioritise

1. To arrange or do in order of priority.
2. To give a high priority to.
3. To organise or deal with something according to its priority.

Prioritising skills are your ability to see what tasks are more important at each moment and give those tasks more of your attention, energy, and time. You focus on what is important at the expense of lower value activities.

“A simple life is not seeing how little we can get by with—that’s poverty—but how efficiently we can put first things first. . . . When you’re clear about your purpose and your priorities, you can painlessly discard whatever does not support these, whether it’s clutter in your cabinets or commitments on your calendar.”

~ Victoria Moran ~

“Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important.”

~ Stephen R. Covey ~

‘I easily prioritise what is important to me.’

Empower Newsletter – November 2016

Welcome to the November 2016 edition of the Empower Newsletter.  This month the focus is on how having less can create more happiness.

Did you know?

‘your life might be better with less’

This week I went to our local picture house and watched a documentary on ‘Minimalism’.  Although it featured minimalists from all walks of life it was predominately about two 30ish business men who although very successful wondered why even when they had everything money could buy were still unhappy.  This led them on a path of becoming minimalists in an attempt to find happiness.

Basically these two men quit their jobs and got rid of all their possessions (which they called ‘stuff’) except for items they believed added value to their lives.  Their wardrobes consisted of around 30 items including underwear.  And before you say men need less than women, there were also women who took part by also wearing only 30 items including jewellery, for a period of 3 months.  One of these women was an advertising executive and said that no one even noticed!

It seems the more space we have, the more space we fill and then look for more space in the form of a bigger house or extension.  Some of us even store our ‘stuff’ in our garages and leave our expensive motor vehicles outside.

The concept is that having and needing less in our lives gives us less to worry about and less the think about.  That is, if you don’t need stuff you don’t have to earn as much money, work as much or maintain your current stuff.  You can spend more time doing the things you love and at the same time have less going on in your mind.

This way of being allows us to get back to basics by clearing out the clutter in our lives which in turn clears the clutter from our minds.  It creates a life where we no longer have to continually earn more and more money to support our life style of having to have more or the latest  ‘stuff’.

The process of striping ourselves back allows us to be comfortable and confident in ourselves by realising that we don’t need to have ‘stuff’ to make us feel worthy or even liked.

How will you define your success after letting go of the excess stuff?  To me a good measure of success is about how happy I am, it’s not about how much stuff I’ve got.  Sometimes we get so caught up by ‘having’ to have something and forget to be grateful for what we already have.

Definition

Less is more

Used to express the view that a minimalist approach to artistic or aesthetic matters is more effective.

Somethings to Ponder

But is less really more? And if so, is the opposite true? Is more actually less?

~ Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus ~

Proverb – Less is more

That which is less complicated is often better understood and more appreciated than what is more complicated; simplicity is preferable to complexity; brevity in communication is more effective than verbosity.

We can’t be happy if we’re always thinking about the next thing. We can’t get things done when clutter is weighing us down and blocking our way. We need to take a breath, enjoy the moment, simplify and live big.

Quotes of the Month

“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.”

~ Socrates ~

“We are happy in proportion to the things we can do without.”

~ Henry David Thoreau ~

Affirmation Corner

‘Everything in my life adds value.’

Empower Newsletter – October 2016

‘how to be in the moment’

At yoga last week our teacher spoke about how important it is to put time and focus into the transition to a pose and not to be in a hurry to get to the final pose!  That the transitional movements are as important as the end result and by rushing to get to the end we are missing everything in between.  That is, we are not being present in the moment.

This led me to think about what she said in the context of how we often look forward to our destination of finally achieving our goal instead of enjoying the moment or the journey.

It could be that you are inside your head listening to your voice telling you untruths or thinking about what happened the day before or your to-do-list for the day ahead.  Whatever it is you are thinking about, it is taking you away from the present.  In the present there are no voices only presence.  Presence which will allow you to do what you are doing or to listen wholeheartedly to whom you are with.

I believe if we spent more time in the moment and less time in our heads we will find more pleasure in our lives right now instead of when we finish or achieve something.  When we are present in the now we will find the joy in what we are doing and where we are.

We lived in the moment most of the time when we were kids. As we become adults we learn to live less and less in the world, and more in our thoughts about ourselves and the world. When we come back to the present moment, our jumble of thoughts about our life situation shrinks in significance, and the place where we actually are regains its rightful uniqueness.

For example if you spend time thinking about an impending workout you are only going to think about what a big, long gruelling thing it will be, but that’s only when you’re thinking about it. When you’re actually doing it, you’re never required to do more than a single moment’s action.  So instead of wasting the present moment thinking about the workout, and ultimately making yourself feel worse, be where you are and get enjoyment out of that.

For example, if you are in your car you might look around at your surroundings and notice the colour of the sky, the lady singing in the car next to you or you may take a deep breath.  Things that ultimately make you feel good! 

Being in the moment

When you’re in the moment, time is not an issue. Effort is not an issue. ‘What’s next?’ is not an issue. It’s being in harmony and it’s the way you were meant to live your life.

The Art of Now: Six Steps to Living in the Moment

1: To improve your performance, stop thinking about it (unselfconsciousness).

2: To avoid worrying about the future, focus on the present (savouring).

3: If you want a future with your significant other, inhabit the present (breathe).

4: To make the most of time, lose track of it (flow).

5: If something is bothering you, move toward it rather than away from it (acceptance).

6: Know that you don’t know (engagement).

~ Jay Dixit ~

“Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future and not enough presence.  Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past and not enough presence.”

~ Eckhart Tolle ~

‘I easily focus on the present moment by taking a deep breath.’

Empower Newsletter – September 2016

‘our thinking produces our behaviour’

After a few very strenuous days my muscles were stiff and I was aching all over.  I found myself thinking about having a day off from my exercise routine and it was not something I wanted to do. I was not injured just feeling sorry for myself.  Lucky for me I was able to turn it around by changing what I was thinking.   Instead of looking for all the reasons for not doing it, I started to look for and see all the reasons why I wanted to.

Is there something in your life you would like to change or do differently but don’t know where to start?  If there is, here are a few more ways you can change your thinking to produce different behaviour which will in turn help you attain the results you want.

Start with the end in mind!  Ask yourself questions like, “How do I want it to be?  “What do I need to do to get what I want?”  In my opinion this thinking is the best and quickest way to get you where you want to be, not only in relation to making a change but also for anything you undertake in life.

Another way is to create pain around not making the change!  This works because we move away from pain, and if we are not changing our current situation, we have already attached more perceived pain to making the change. To reverse this start looking at all the painful things that won’t happen and all the painful things that will continue to happen if you don’t make the change.  If you create enough pain around not changing, it will push you to make the change.

For you, changing something may be as simple as realising that ‘the past does not equal the future.’  This means that just because it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to before doesn’t mean it will happen again.  If you do just one thing differently, you will end up with a different result!

It may take changing what you believe about someone!  Is your current thinking going to get you closer or push you further away from what you want?  After all everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have available.

How will you change your thinking to get what you want?

Thinking

1. The process of considering or reasoning about something
2. A person’s ideas or opinions
3. Using thought or rational judgement; intelligent

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”

~ Albert Einstein ~

“Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.”

~ Steve Jobs ~

“The truth is that there is no actual stress or anxiety in the world; it’s your thoughts that create these false beliefs. You can’t package stress, touch it, or see it. There are only people engaged in stressful thinking.”

~ Wayne Dyer ~

‘I am the architect of my life; I build its foundation and choose its contents.’

Empower Newsletter – August 2016

Welcome to the August 2016 edition of the Empower Newsletter. This month the focus is on seeing things going well in your life rather than think the worst.

Do you know?

‘everything will be okay’

A couple of days ago I was stepping up to sit on a concrete picnic table when I lost my balance and fell. My first instinct was to jump up straight away and say I was okay without even assessing the situation. Lucky for me I was fine!

What’s your first instinct after you fall? Do you automatically jump up and say you are okay without even knowing if you are or not, or do you stay there waiting to see and assessing if and where you are hurt?

Whatever your answer I wonder if it’s the same as your outlook and expectations about life? For example when you are preparing for a job interview do you see yourself going well or do you think about all the different things that are going to go wrong?

Do you automatically think things are going to go well and you are going to do well or do you usually think the worst?

If you think the worst and you believe it holds you back by paralysing you moving forward or even stopping you making decisions, it will help you to start shifting your thinking by looking at past experiences and seeing that the thoughts and outcomes you imagined never eventuated. The voice in our head can conjure up some horrible scenarios that’s for sure, all of which never usually happen.

Looking at the worst case scenario may also help. ‘How?’ I hear you say. Well by acknowledging what you believe is the worst that could happen allows you to move on knowing that if that did happen everything would be okay.

For example if you wanted to buy a home or an investment property, by thinking the worst that could happen, which could be that you lose your job and have to sell it, can bring peace of mind that you will be okay.

It will take a little practice to automatically see situations and events in your life as going well but eventually it will become natural.

What do you have to lose?

Definition

Okay

1. All right; proceeding normally; satisfactory or under control.

2. Doing well or in good health; managing adequately.

Something to Ponder

“My father taught me that you can read a hundred books on wisdom and write a hundred books on wisdom, but unless you apply what you learned then its only words on a page. Life is not lived with intentions, but action.”

~ Shannon L. Alder ~

Quotes of the Month

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was and the present worse than it is.”~ Marcel Pagnol ~

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” ~ John Lennon ~

Affirmation Corner

‘I know everything will be okay.’

Empower Newsletter – July 2016

Welcome to the July 2016 edition of the Empower Newsletter. This month the focus is on the importance of taking time for yourself.

Do you know?

‘how important time out is’

It’s the end of the financial year and an especially busy time of year for some. It can be easy to forget to take time for yourself because time can be so scarce and there is so much that needs to be done.

It doesn’t have to be taking time out to be alone, it can be to do something you love, anything that recharges your batteries and makes you feel recharged.

If you don’t have ‘me time’ you can get resentful and feel like a dogsbody.

If it’s not your work commitments it’s family and if it’s not family it is chores. There is always something that needs to be done.

Quite often taking time out of our hectic lifestyles can leave us feeling guilty or even selfish especially when there are things to be done, people to take care of or deadlines to meet.

This can leave us spreading ourselves too thin and often not being able to give our best to the task at hand, often finding ourselves getting frustrated with loved ones, friends or ourselves.

A great way to overcome these feelings of guilt or selfishness of taking time for ourselves is looking at it from a different perspective which is ‘that not taking time out for ourselves makes us more selfish!’ “I hear you ask how.” Well if you are tired, stressed or irritated from spreading yourself too thin, how can you give your best? So in other words you are taking away from whatever you do!

Becoming short or getting cranky with yourself, your loved ones or not completing a task to the best of your ability are just some of the consequences of not being at your best.

So by taking time for yourself it can be said that you will get better results all round! In other words if you are happy, everyone and everything around you will be in harmony creating better relationships and better results.

Definition

Self time

Taking time out for yourself: For a massage, taking a walk or reading a book, whatever it is that makes you feel relaxed, happy and emotionally nourished.

Something to Ponder

“Recent research has shown that women today are less happy than they have been over the past 40 years. There are many theories about why, but lack of free time can be a major reason.”

~ Gina Shaw ~

Quotes of the Month

TIME OUT is a good thing. You can shift to Paradise in the next breath, and a sense of wellness and timelessness will be the wonderful result.

~ Cheryl Melody ~

I think women are natural caretakers. They take care of everybody. They take care of their husbands and their kids and their dogs, and don’t spend a lot of time just getting back and taking time out.

~ Reese Witherspoon ~

Affirmation Corner

‘I take time for myself regularly.’

Empower Newsletter – June 2016

Welcome to the June 2016 edition of the Empower Newsletter.  This month the focus is on getting better results by focusing your attention on one thing at a time!

‘multitasking is not efficient’

Multitasking is well known and something I thought was a very efficient way of getting things done.  It came as a surprise to hear that it is not always good as we can really only focus on one thing at a time.

It was explained to me how we actually multitask, or more to the point, how we can’t really multitask and give our full attention to everything we are doing at the same time.  Whilst we may be able to do two things or more at once, we can only give our focus to one thing at a time.

I thought to myself that I multitask successfully all the time until it was explained to me that we often do things on auto pilot, that is we don’t have to think about what we are doing or how we are doing it.

The example given to me was talking on the phone (hands free of course) whilst we are driving.  We don’t have to think about driving because we do it all the time, we are on auto-pilot which allows us to focus on the phone call.  It’s not until something out of the ordinary happens like traffic stopping suddenly in front of us that our attention automatically changes away from the phone call and back to driving.

This made me think about the many things in our lives that we are not giving our full attention to because we are continually busy multitasking.  Things like relationships, careers, friendships, hobbies and even relaxation.

There has been many times where I have been talking on the phone whilst doing other things around the house or at work like cooking, cleaning, watching television, reading emails, filing, etc.  By giving my full attention to the phone call I would have been more present and taken in more, and therefore retained more for recall later, not to mention giving the person on the other end the respect of my full attention.

How much better would we be able to perform if we focus wholly on what we are doing at the time?  If it is important enough to us to do or have, surely it is important enough for us to achieve the best results we can by giving our complete attention.  That is to make the most of every moment and/or opportunity to get the best results possible.

Multitasking

Human multitasking is an apparent human ability to perform more than one task, or activity, over a short period of time. An example of multitasking is taking phone calls while typing an email and reading a book. Multitasking can result in time wasted due to human context switching and apparently causing more errors due to insufficient attention.

“Multitasking is a myth. The human brain cannot perform two tasks that require high level brain function at once. Low level functions like breathing and pumping blood aren’t considered in multitasking, only tasks you have to “think” about. What actually happens when you think you are multitasking is that you are rapidly switching between tasks.”

“Your conscious brain cannot multitask. If I’m speaking to you and checking my iPhone at the same time, I’m doing neither. This is why our society is frazzled; this misconception that we can consciously do more than one thing at a time effectively.”

~ Deepak Chopra ~

‘I give all of my focus to what is in front of me.’

Empower Newsletter – May 2016

Welcome to the May 2016 edition of the Empower Newsletter.  This month the focus is on being able to make decisions more easily!

Did you know?

‘fear can stop us making decisions’

Decisions help us to grow and contribute, and without making them we start to retreat and shutdown.

The first thing we can do to help make decision making easier is to start with the end in mind. This means that we envisage the full experience of what we want BEFORE we start.

This is achieved by asking ourselves questions like, What will be different for me in one week as a result of getting what I want?

With this question you’re getting your mind to go beyond the attainment of the goal to the benefits of it.  The more benefits you can think of the more momentum you will create to move yourself forward.

Let’s fast forward in our mind’s eye to one week from now, and you’re looking back having successfully achieved what you wanted.   How have you grown?  What are you most proud of?  What’s different in you that is going to propel you forward from here?

Most people that have trouble making decisions fear change as they quite often feel comfortable with the familiar.  The pain often associated with self-doubt or procrastination only comes from the perceived pain of doing something new.  A great technique to overcome this is to trick your mind into seeing how much pleasure you would get from making the decision whilst also imagining how painful it would be not to achieve and experience that pleasure.

Another technique to make decision making easier is to picture yourself achieving whatever it is you want to happen from making your decision.  Start feeling a sense of excitement about it.  Once you have connected with it step out of the picture and see yourself having what you want.

Have fun making your decisions!

Decision

1. a conclusion or resolution reached after consideration;
2. the act of or need for making up one’s mind.

“If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another.

The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.

If this sounds too mystical, refer again to the body. Every significant vital sign – body temperature, heart rate, oxygen consumption, hormone level, brain activity, and so on – alters the moment you decide to do anything… decisions are signals telling your body, mind, and environment to move in a certain direction.”

~ Deepak Chopra ~

“Your life does not get better by chance.  It gets better by change.”

~ Jim Rohn ~

‘I make decisions with ease.’

Empower Newsletter – April 2016

Did you know?

‘expectations can cause sadness ’

Have you ever noticed how expectations that aren’t met about ourselves and other people lead to disappointment?  For example when we expect something from someone and it does not eventuate, it can leave us feeling like the other person has done the wrong thing by us, or even worse, that they do not value us.

It’s fair enough to expect to be treated a certain way by the people in our lives however there is a difference between expecting others to do or say certain things or even act in a certain way in order for us not to feel disillusioned with them or the situation.

High expectations are often a recipe for disaster in relation to how we feel about a situation.  Quite often when we don’t get the response we want from a situation it creates a sense of discontentment within us and with the other person which not only changes our mood but can also ultimately affect our relationship with that person.

By not having any expectation on an outcome it allows us to sail straight through the situation with no reaction at all.  Not being set on a particular outcome frees us up to continue on our merry way allowing us to focus on more important things in our lives.

Instead of becoming upset because someone did not act the way you expected, or because you did not achieve the result you wanted, let go of any expectation in the first place.  By placing expectation on others we are continually opening ourselves up to constant disappointment.

What other people do is not a reflection of us!  It is okay for others to say, do and act how they want.  Just because it may be different to the way we would do it does not make it wrong or right, it is just ‘different’.  By allowing others the freedom to be themselves it also allows us to let go of any expectation we may have had previously.

I am curious to know how much more content and happier you will become by working on letting go of any unrealistic expectations you have of yourself and others!

Definition

Expectations

1. The act or the state of expecting: to wait in expectation.
2. The act or state of looking forward or anticipating.
3. An expectant mental attitude: a high pitch of expectation.
4. Something expected; a thing looked forward to.
5. Often, expectations. A prospect of future good or profit: to have great expectations.
6. The degree of probability that something will occur.

5 Benefits of Having No Expectations

1. You take sole responsibility for your decisions.
2. You separate your wants from shoulds.
3. You avoid feeling disappointed, angry, etc.
4. You avoid becoming a martyr.
5. You live in the present.

“The secret of happiness is low expectations.”

~ Barry Schwartz ~

‘I give thanks that I enjoy being around people.’

Empower Newsletter – March 2016

Welcome to the March 2016 edition of the Empower Newsletter. This month the focus is on reassessing what we are doing in our lives with a view to get us closer to what we ultimately want.

Do you know?

‘the importance of reassessing’

It was at the gym when my spin instructor Kylie asked the class what our personal goals for the class were this year! This prompted me to think about what I wanted to achieve from the class. Besides the usual reasons of maintaining my cardio and stamina, I asked myself “what can I strive for that will get me closer to my overall goal of getting healthier the older I get.” The answer I came up with isn’t important, what is important is that now I know what I am working toward I can put some conscious thought and effort into going after it. After all, how do we know we have arrived if we don’t know where we are going? Or how will we know when we get it if we don’t know what we want.

Reassessing is such an important part of getting you closer to what you ultimately want in your life. Because if we continue to do the same things we have always done we will continue to get the same results we have always got. It also breaks down our ultimate goal into smaller more manageable chunks for us to work on.

There are many different areas in our lives that we have wants and desires. You may not have consciously set them as goals but they are there none the less. For example you may be studying now so you can get a good paying job that will allow you to live a certain life style, socialise with friends, start a family and to ultimately make enough money to be financially independent when you retire. Or maybe you exercise and have a healthy diet with a view to look and feel good, and to live a long healthy life.

Reassessing creates more opportunities for us to change our lives in a positive way. If I didn’t reassess where I wanted to be in regards to my health I wouldn’t be working toward what I want, instead I would have been doing what I always did! There is nothing wrong with that but I am now moving closer to where I ultimately what to be with my health.

Have you become better at something that will allow you to move to the next level? Are you doing what you have always done without reassessing if you can now do more or less? It could be a task at work that you have become better at or you may be ready for the next level of an exercise. Maybe your situation, or your lifestyle goals have changed that will allow you to stop working long hours or enable you to change your career, move or even semi –retire. Just because that’s what you’ve always done, is it still working for you now and is it still giving you the best possible outcome for, not only your time, but also if it is getting you closer to what you ultimately want?

Definition

Reassess

a) To think again about something in order to decide if you should change the way you feel about it or deal with it.

b) Consider or assess again, in the light of new or different factors.

Something to Ponder

As you grow and change making changes to what you want to see yourself accomplish is very healthy. Here are seven reasons to reassess your goals.

1. You’ve already accomplished your old goals

2. You are stagnant

3. Your old goals aren’t ambitious enough

4. You’re not sure when you will accomplish previously set goals

5. You have situations that have changed

6. What you want has changed

7. You want to do better next year

Quotes of the Month

“Growth is a spiral process, doubling back on itself, reassessing and regrouping.”

~ Julia Margaret Cameron ~

Affirmation Corner

‘I now reassess my goals and reaffirm my commitment to achieving.’