Empower Newsletter – February 2022

You are enough!

Whilst chatting with friends the other day, I was reminded how when we form beliefs about ourselves as children, we still unconsciously believe most, if not all of them to be true as adults.

For example, it is really common for people to think that they aren’t smart, even that they are stupid or anywhere in between. Just because maybe they didn’t do well at school, or maybe they had problems learning.

We form all of our core beliefs between the ages of zero and six years of age. These beliefs are formed from experiences we have. We may have taken on board something someone said to us, even something we felt, heard or thought.

These beliefs about ourselves can be both good and bad. Or more to the point, they can serve us or hinder us as we move throughout our lives.

For example, two children start school at the same time. Let’s call them Beth & Sally. Beth was continually told how clever she was. Sally compared herself to Beth and came to the conclusion that she wasn’t as smart. Both Beth and Sally then unconsciously started looking for evidence throughout their lives to support this belief they had formed about themselves, deleting any evidence to the contrary. So Beth grew up thinking she was smart whilst Sally grew up thinking she wasn’t.

These girls were born equal. They had not yet formed any beliefs about themselves. But before starting school Beth’s mother focused on her daughters counting and writing skills, whereas Sally’s mother focused more on her learning through play.

This meant that because the focus at school was on reading and writing, Beth had a major head start over Sally. It wasn’t that Sally was stupid or couldn’t learn, it was simply that Beth had already been taught.  These beliefs the girls formed are ‘true’ and ‘real’ for them. And that’s okay. It’s only when a belief does not serve us that we may want to change it.

The good news is, because beliefs are formed by us, they can be changed by us.

Upon reflection, Sally acknowledged that she did learn how to read and write and was smart but had deleted all of this evidence from her consciousness because it wasn’t part of the belief she had formed about herself as a child.  Instead she focused on all the things that were in line with her belief that she wasn’t smart.

What would have happened or how would Sally’s life turned out differently if she had not formed that belief about herself? That instead, she acknowledged her achievements and knew she was enough.

By looking back to the early years of our life, we can see how a belief was formed. Now that we are adults and have adult intellect, we can look back and see exactly what really happened, not what we made it mean as a child.

We can then create a new belief that will serve us and start us moving forward knowing that this new brief will get us to where we want to be.

Unconscious Beliefs

Unconscious beliefs are agreements we have in our mind that we have no awareness we are holding. In spite of not having any intellectual knowledge of our own beliefs, they can still cause us to have emotional reactions and sabotaging behaviours.

From a very young age, children begin to form beliefs about themselves and their place in the world around them. Kids are very good at spotting patterns and making associations as they constantly process the stream of information around them.

They generally base these beliefs on experiences shaped by parents and other authority figures in early childhood. For example; If I yell at someone, I get reprimanded, so shouting at people must be bad. If I help someone, I get rewarded, so being polite and helpful must be good. These beliefs become more complex as they grow older. However, the core belief systems that were formed as young children will remain ever powerful, and despite encountering new information or explanation, these beliefs are often subconsciously present.

~ sherwoodhigh.com ~

Quotes of the Month

“Our subconscious minds have no sense of humour, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.”

~ Robert Collier ~

Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.”

~ Henry Ford ~

‘I now create new beliefs that will serve me.’

Empower Newsletter – December 2021

Focusing on the negative can be helpful!

Some people focus on the negatives in order to help them to move forward where as others focus on the positives.  So in this example, if you focus on the positives, you would run toward something and if you focus on the negatives, you would run away.

It may surprise you to know that most people use negatives in order to make them do something.

When I first heard this concept I immediately thought for sure that I focus on the positives because I’m such a positive person.  But no, that is not the case.  My way of moving on from something is to look at the negatives.

I wonder if you are someone who focuses on the positive or negative to make you move forward?

If you are not sure, here are a few questions to help you work it out.

1. To stop a bad habit what ultimately makes you stop, thinking about all the benefits you will gain once you stop or thinking about all the consequences if you don’t stop?

For example, when you gave up a bad habit in the past like smoking, did you ultimately give it up because you wanted clean lungs, fresh breathe, clean teeth, to become fitter and to feel healthier or did you give it up because it was costing you too much, you couldn’t walk up stairs without puffing, you felt anti-social, your teeth were discolouring, your voice was becoming husky, health reasons or it was aging you prematurely?

2. When you make a decision about something are you more inclined to move toward the things you want or move away from the things you don’t want?

For example, when you have ended a relationship in the past did you decide to do it because you were looking at all the things that you wanted in a partner that you weren’t getting in your current relationship, did you think about how good it would feel to ultimately be in a relationship that made you feel a certain way, the things it would give you and the happiness you would feel or did you want to get away from certain behaviours and how they made you feel, were you sick of feeling sad, unloved or disrespected?

However you answered the question is fine.  There is no right or wrong answer here, there is only what we do.  The point I am making here is that by consciously knowing how you make decisions brings with it clarity that allows you to understand what is happening.

By focusing on what makes you ultimately move past whatever is holding you back, whether that is by looking at all the positives you will gain or all the negatives you will leave behind, will free you to be able to move forward quicker and easier.

Negativity Bias

Human beings brains are hardwired to negativity because we are wired to survive.  It’s more natural for us to expect the worst, catastrophise, be cautious and slow to change. If the default position is to survive, this means worrying about the what-ifs.

Psychological research suggests that the negative bias influences motivation to complete a task. People have less motivation when an incentive is framed as a means to gain something than when the same incentive will help them avoid the loss of something.

This can play a role in your motivation to pursue a goal. Rather than focusing on what you will gain if you keep working toward something, you’re more likely to dwell on what you might have to give up in order to achieve that goal.

~ www.verywellmind.com ~

Quotes of the Month

“Once we acknowledge to ourselves that we’re unhappy or dissatisfied with something in which we find ourselves.  Negativity may be your path to getting to a happier place.”

“Being positive all of the time means that there is no critical analysis taking place or taking stock of one’s current situation.”

~ Helen Dillon, Life and Careers Coach ~

‘When I’m ready to move away from something in my life I start focusing on all the negatives.’

Empower Newsletter – October 2021

You can’t be fearful or angry whilst feeling gratitude!

Have you ever been fearful or angry and somehow become stuck in those feelings?

You may be clashing with someone at work or maybe something at home is annoying you!  You may feel scared about what your future holds, losing your partner or your job.

Whatever it is, it’s okay to have these feelings, they are natural and can be useful in some circumstances.

Fear is an important human emotion that can help protect us from danger and prepare us to take action, but it can also lead to longer lasting feelings of anxiety.  Anger strongly motivates us to do something when we experience physical and emotional distress or it can produce destructive anger expressed in an unhealthy way that causes harm.  For example, a person may act out aggressively towards others. The anger might also be turned inward, resulting in deliberate self-harm or substance use.

Fear comes in many different forms including terror, fright, horror, alarm, panic, dread, distress, anxiety, worry, and unease. Feelings of anger include rage, fury, annoyance, irritability and irritation.

Once you have decided these feelings of anger and fear no longer serve you because they are keeping you stuck and stopping you from moving forward help is at hand.

Whatever you are feeling is absolutely real for you.  Addressing the issue at hand is the best option to allow you to move past these feelings.  But if for some reason you feel the situation is out of your control for the time being, your way out is to show gratitude for things in your life.

You see, if we consciously acknowledge things in our lives that we are grateful for, it is impossible to feel fear and anger at the same time.

Which means you can’t be fearful or angry at the same time as being grateful.

So if you find yourself feeling fearful or angry, make a list either on paper or a mental one of things in your life you feel grateful for.  It could be just being able to have a hot shower whenever you want, having people in your life you love and who love you, being able to go for a walk or a dance or simply just being able to do the things you love.

My belief is that gratitude is the secret to happiness! How can you not smile and feel good when you acknowledge all the things you are grateful for in your life?

Gratitude

The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

Funny things to be grateful for: -

Indoor plumbing

Food delivery services

Wifi

Happy Hours

Netflix

Waking up seconds before your alarm

Fuzzy Socks

Deodorant

The ability to Google any question

Toilet Paper

Duct Tape

Good hair days

Your celebrity crush

The five second rule

Fortune cookies with perfectly timed fortunes

Clothes fresh out of the dryer

Inside jokes

GPS

Auto save

Spellcheck

Chapstick

Getting everyone to smile in the family photo at the same time

Quotes of the Month

“I am happy because I’m grateful. I choose to be grateful. That gratitude allows me to be happy.”

~ Will Arnett ~

“Gratitude is riches. Complain is poverty.”

~ Doris Day ~

‘I am super grateful for everything I have in my life.’

Empower Newsletter – September 2021

There is a way!

When change is forced upon us it is easy to feel stuck, like there is no way forward or no solution to what is happening to us.

Currently there is mega change happening all over the world, our ‘normal’ life as we knew it, for most, has changed dramatically.

My daughter Leeza has recently written an article about how because of this change many of her business clients have struggled to find a solution to their current situations moving forward.  She believes it is because they are “stuck in their emotions it makes it harder to see a resolution.”

Can’t see the forest through the trees

So I thought it may help some of my readers and clients to find a new ‘normal’ and to free them of feeling helpless and stuck.

The best way to find a way forward is to take a step back and ponder about what specifically is making you feel this way.  Once you have honed in on what it is you feel stuck about, that is called the big picture.  Next, start to break it down into smaller chunks to make it more manageable.  By doing this you will be able to start making small steps to get what you want.

For example, your gym may be closed which means you are no longer able to exercise.  The big picture is that the gym is closed so you can’t exercise in the way you normally would.  By honing in on the fact that you want to exercise, you can start to chuck it down into smaller pieces.   This could be to decide what sort of exercise you want to do.  You may decide you want to do a group fitness class and by looking online you may be able to find many free online classes that suit you.

Remember it may not be the way you would normally do it, it could involve an adjustment.  By adapting to changes that are forced upon us, we can have what we want, maybe just in a different way.  For example, you may want to catch-up with a group of friends which can’t happen in person but it can happen online.

So first establish what it is you want, then break it down into smaller more manageable chunks and be flexible in the way you get it.

This will help you to ‘see the forest through the trees’ and live a life feeling satisfied.

Can’t see the forest through the trees

To not understand or appreciate a larger situation, problem, etc., because one is considering only a few parts of it.

“Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.”

~ John F. Kennedy ~

“Adaptability is not imitation. It means power of resistance and assimilation.”

~ Mahatma Gandhi ~

“And the most successful people are those who accept, and adapt to constant change.”

~ Paul Lutus ~

“Action and adaptability create opportunity.”

~ Garrison Wynn ~

“When we allow ourselves to adapt to different situations, life is easier.”

~ Catherine Pulsifer ~

“There can be no life without change, and to be afraid of what is different or unfamiliar is to be afraid of life.”

~ Theodore Roosevelt ~

“Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach. It’s the end you’re after.”

~ Anthony Robbins ~

‘I look for new ways to get what I want.’

Empower Newsletter – August 2021

Patience is a learnt behaviour!

Have you ever found yourself feeling less patient in a situation than you would have liked?  Well if you have, you are not alone!

The thing is, as we move through our lives we are continually learning and it is easy to forget that others may not have had similar life experiences as us.  That is, others may not have been exposed to certain situations, thus they may not find these things as important as you do.

As humans, we have all led different lives, have different beliefs, values and morals.  This impacts us and has a direct bearing on what is and isn’t important to us.

Quite often we don’t acknowledge how fair we have come, all the lessons, consequences and boundaries we’ve learnt along the way.  These things have shaped us and have created a level of importance for us.

This can create frustration when we perceive others are not doing what we would do in a certain situation.  For example, when something takes a long time or someone is not doing what you want them to.

In these situations it may help to remember that what is important to you isn’t necessarily important to them.  That no one is right and no one is wrong.  You are both simply doing what you believe is right for yourselves.

Two people who have the same information can still make two completely different choices.  What is right for one person can be completely wrong for another.  They very likely have just as strong of a reason for their choice/behaviour as the other person does.

So instead of feeling impatient or frustrated, it may help to realise that we are all doing the best we can in relation to our life journey so far.

Acknowledging how far you have come and giving yourself some credit will help immensely.  You have your own reasons for your actions and decisions and that it is okay.  Believing it is also okay for others to think and act differently than you will also bring more serenity to your life.

Another technique is to stop for a second and take a breath.  This will give you a little time to think about your reaction, to choice a different response/thought rather than allowing instinct to kick in.

Remember patience is a virtue!

Impatience

Not patient: restless or short of temper especially under irritation, delay, or opposition.

What Does “Patience Is a Virtue” Mean?

This sentiment is a reflection upon someone’s ability to wait for something.  By calling patience a virtue, or state of moral excellence, it leads people to believe an ability to wait without agitation is an admirable quality.

Part of the reason this has been a long-standing truth throughout history is because patience often goes against our instincts. It’s something everyone struggles with, including our earliest ancestors.

The good news is, patience is a skill that can be learned over time. The more we exercise patience, the less likely we are to become agitated when forced to wait for something. Mastering this virtue will make for a happier life. That’s certainly one of the reasons why it’s so famously touted by writers and philosophers alike.

~ quotes.yourdictionary.com ~

“To lose patience is to lose the battle”.

~ Mahatma Gandhi ~

‘I am patient with myself and others.’

Empower Newsletter – July 2021

It’s about taking full responsibility!

One of my clients felt so victimised by her employer that her stress level was at a point that she had submitted a workers compensation claim.

Upon further questioning during a coaching session, it was revealed that this sort of thing had happened to her at least twice before.  The circumstances were different but the outcomes were the same.

Do you find yourself going through situations in your life that keep ending the same way for you?

Have you ever wondered why the same thing keeps happening?  For example, do you find that you have trouble holding on to relationships, feel betrayed or treated poorly by people in general or maybe you have been continually let down and feel that you can’t trust people.

The first step is to accept that all situations that involve us are ‘all about us’.  There isn’t anything or anyone else to blame and it isn’t anyone else’s problem, it is ours!  The answer starts with taking responsibility and being accountable for ourselves and our actions.  Everything that happens to us is our responsibility.

For example, we need to stop blaming anything outside of ourselves, like situations we find ourselves in, things that have happened to us, or other people’s words or actions.  It starts and ends with us and we need to take responsibility for our outcomes.

A good analogy for this is that you are in control of yourself just like a bus driver is in control of the bus.  The bus driver controls the bus and you control ‘you’.  That is, your actions, reactions, words and thoughts.  Remember every action causes a reaction, good and bad.  What results are you getting from your actions?

By letting other people make us feel happy, sad or any emotion at all, we are giving them the driver’s seat.  We are allowing them to control how we feel.  It’s all about taking responsibility for choosing how you feel.  Who is driving your bus?

Once you have accepted ownership by taking responsibility, the next step is to look at what you are doing, thinking, saying or even not doing, thinking or saying over a period of time that may be creating these situations.

Maybe start by changing one of the things you are doing or not doing until it becomes a habit or a way of being, thinking or doing.  Then change something else that may also be contributing to your outcome until you start to notice that you are now getting the outcome you desire.

For my client the first thing she changed was to start turning up on time, even early, for work every day.  It was a small thing but it made a big difference.

It’s time to start taking responsibility for your outcomes so that you have the power and control to start creating the desired outcomes you want.

Taking responsibility

Is acknowledging and accepting the choices you have made, the actions you have taken, and the results they have led to.

Responsibility is something powerful and empowering. As the language suggests, it is a ‘response ability’: the ability to choose our response in every moment to all that is going on around us.  A choosing that allows us to claim ownership of the circumstances of our lives, and thereby, to contribute to making them better.

In the world of blame, we miss this point.  It seems far easier to tally up our perception of other people’s behaviour into columns of right, wrong, good and bad, judging and criticizing them all the way to the bank.

Yet by distancing ourselves from our own potential role in problems, we also disregard the possibility of our place in the solutions, as well as the joy and affinity that come from problem solving effectively.

Owning that you might have had a hand in creating what’s happening in the world around you doesn’t make you a sucker.  Nor does it mean that you’re to blame for everything that’s going on.

Rather, it means that you’re mature enough to realise that only by claiming responsibility for your life can you live it in a way that both empowers you and brings you closer to others.

~ Jennifer Hamady ~

“If you keep blaming something or someone for your problems, you will never learn why problems come your way”.

~ Unknown ~

‘I take responsibility for my outcomes.’

Empower Newsletter – June 2021

How language impacts your life!

Do you know that the words we use, both to others and to ourselves, become ingrained in our unconscious minds!

You see our unconscious mind’s objective is to help us, to make sure we are safe and to ultimately give us what we want.  It is like a child that takes everything at face value and thinks what we are saying, more accurately the words we are using, are what we want.

The thing is the language we use is what our unconscious hears, and in turn, thinks that is what we want.

This is not a conscious thought or feeling, it is unconsciously happening in the background. You see your unconscious remembers everything.  Every feeling, event and outcome that has ever happened to you!

For example, after a relationship breakup, you may be saying things (either to yourself or others) like “I don’t want to get hurt again,” so that’s what your unconscious hears and because it wants to protect you from getting hurt again it does everything in its power to protect you, even to the point of sabotaging any potential new relationships.

Funny thing is (not so funny really), because your unconscious is a part of you, it is really you who is protecting you!   Which means, it is really you who is sabotaging you!

The good news is, because you are ultimately in control, you can change what is happening.

So if you are not getting the outcomes you want in your life, the best and easiest way to start changing them is to start purposefully using language that will get you what you want.  By creating new positive language, you are letting your unconscious know exactly what you want.

You can do this by changing your everyday language around things that you want that are not happening in your life.  It doesn’t just relate to relationships, it could be language you use around your career, finances or spirituality as well.

In the above example, you might start saying things like “I want to fall in love again” or start focusing on the positives of a past relationship and what you want to feel or have again.  Say things like “a relationship with give me a, b, and c.”

By changing the language you use, it will change any unconscious beliefs that have been holding you back.

Unconscious

Those physiological and cognitive processes that occur outside of conscious awareness.

Our unconscious mind stores memories, Wilder Penfield learnt that everything is stored in the unconscious mind, all our memories. It is the domain of emotions, so we consciously give orders to the unconscious mind to change the way we feel in order to change our emotions. It organises all of our memories, and can recall them in a sequence, like a movie or timeline in our minds. So as we continue living our lives the unconscious mind will relate it to things in the past, so we make judgements on current experiences based on those we have stored, either positive or negative. That means that we can attach a negative emotion to a current state based on that experience recall, even though the current experience may not be negative. And by changing the way we feel, how our unconscious mind recalls that we can change our current state, how we feel.

~ Excellenceassured.com ~

“You affect your subconscious mind by verbal repetition.”

~ W. Clement Stone ~

‘My unconscious knows exactly what I want by the language (words) I use.’

Empower Newsletter – May 2021

How to Make Decisions Easier!

How do you make up your mind about what to do when you have a big decision to make?

Do you wait until the last minute and just decide there and then what you will do?  Do you discuss it with someone whose opinion you respect?  Maybe you are someone who writes a list of pros and cons to decide.

If big decisions come easy to you then this newsletter may not be of much benefit to you.  But if you are like many of us and worry about making the wrong decision, or have trouble making decisions, help is at hand.

First step is to stop focusing on making the wrong decision and start focusing on making the right decision for you at this stage of your life. For example, if you are so worried about making the wrong decision, you will not see all the benefits of either choice.

Now onto making the decision without any fear of making the wrong one.  Because there is no wrong decision!  There is just a choice and then moving forward in that direction.  The trick is to put your heart and soul into your final decision without looking back.  If in the end, your decision doesn’t work out, it wasn’t wrong, you have just discovered one way it didn’t work.

There is no right or wrong way to make decisions but if you struggle to make decisions, or you fear that you’ll make a mistake, there is a coaching tool I use to help clients make the answer because clear.  It called Cartesian Coordinates.

Cartesian Coordinates are a group of four questions that help in making the answer become very clearer.  Because of the way these questions are designed you will get more clarity and perspective around the answer.

The questions are as follows: -

What will happen if you do?

What will happen if you don’t?

What won’t happen if you do?

What won’t happen if you don’t?

Sometimes looking at what we won’t get is a bigger driver in our decision making process because quite often missing out on things is a bigger consideration as we don’t want to miss out.

When answering these questions take your time.  If you have time to decide you may even sleep on the answers as you will always come up with more.

So next time you have a decision to make that you are struggling with, remember this method will help you make the right decision for you at this time of your life whilst feeling more comfortable about it.

Decisions

1. The act or process of deciding; determination, as of a question or doubt, by making a judgment.
2. The act of or need for making up one’s mind.
3. Something that is decided; resolution.

Decisions.  We can think about things, turn them over in our minds a million times, play out possible scenarios, but really when it comes down to it, you have to go with your heart and move forward.  Maybe things will go well.  Maybe they’ll turn out poorly.  Every decision brings with it some good, some bad, some lessons, and some luck.  The only thing that’s for sure is that indecision steals many years from any people who wind up wishing they’d just had the courage to leap.

~ Doe Zantamata ~

“I do not believe in taking the right decision, I take a decision and make it right.”

~ Muhammad Ali Jinnah ~

“When you need to make a hard decision, flip a coin. Why? Because when that coin is in the air you suddenly know what you’re hoping for.”

~ Unknown Author ~

‘I make decisions easily and move forward in that direction focused on the outcome I want to achieve.’

Empower Newsletter – April 2021

Adversity makes us appreciate more!

It is human nature that adversity makes us appreciate the things we sometimes take for granted!

In other words, if we think we have lost or are going to lose something, we start to question and think about how important it really is to us and what would happen if we lost it.

COVID is a great example of how adversity helped us to start appreciating more!

Now that NSW have stopped all COVID restrictions with the exception of distancing, it means most of us are able to get on with life the way we knew it before COVID.

For some of us lucky ones COVID didn’t create too much change to life as we know it, but for some people their lives were impacted to a level that created a great amount of uncertainty. For these people they will probably appreciate even more getting some normality back.

I bring this up because sometimes we can see our lives as boring or take our lives for granted when everything is going well.

Which begs to question, “why do we need adversity in our lives to appreciate what we have right now”?

Well it’s human nature to do this, but it’s also a choice to decide to appreciate and be grateful for what you have in your life right now.

By appreciating your life you are taking the feel good approach to be positive and happy. If you choose to see all of your perceived faults you are taking the approach that will make you feel down like you are lacking.

For example, at times you may feel overworked to which some would say it is a good problem to have, where others would complain they are stressed and overwhelmed.  It doesn’t matter which side of the fence you are on, you could start thinking about how fortunate you are in other areas of your life and start thinking about how you can rectify your current situation.

Remember feeling grateful for something you don’t want in your life won’t magically make it go away, you have to make the choice to change or adjust whatever it is you are struggling with so you can feel gratitude.

So next time you feel bored or hard done by, you have three choices.  You can choose to feel grateful; you can choose to feel crappie and left wanting; or you can change your current situation to enable you to feel gratitude!

Adversity

1. A difficult, unlucky or unpleasant situation/event.
2. Adverse or unfavourable fortune or fate.
3. A condition marked by misfortune, calamity, or distress.

When you start making gratitude a way of life, as opposed to something you feel only when things are going well, you boost your sense of optimism and enthusiasm. This helps to reduce anxiety and stress, which, in turn, strengthens your immune system and leads to healthier living.

Your relationships become more satisfying, your work is imbued with more creativity, and it’s easier to navigate the choppy waters of problems, when they do arise. When you add it all up, it’s no surprise that the tiny act of saying and feeling “thanks”, leads to an increased sense of inner peace.

“Someday, everything will make perfect sense.  So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.”

~ John Mayer ~

“Gratitude is an art of painting an adversity into a lovely picture.”

~ Kak Sri ~

‘I now appreciate my life every day.’

Empower Newsletter – March 2021

What you get from your friends!

Do you get everything you need from a single friend or are you like most of us and have different people in our lives for different reasons?

For example do you both have the same fitness regimen; can you talk about anything; do you go on holidays together; have you got the same availability; who do you go out to dinner and/or a concert with; who can you be real with; have fun with; share affection with; have the same values & morals as?

I’m not talking about work colleges or family, I’m referring to people you actually choose to be an active part of your life outside of that.

If you’re one of the lucky ones who gets everything you need from someone in your family or the one friend, I hope you feel very grateful because it’s very rare.

It doesn’t matter if you get everything from the one person or from different people, it’s about getting your needs met.

You may have even found yourself going from friendship to friendship when you struggle to find fulfilment on every level and/or your expectations are not being met from them.

And that’s fine, maybe you haven’t thought about this concept before and you are still searching for that one person who can be everything you need them to be.

The thing is, we will never have all of the same qualities as anyone else. We are all inherently different! We have different values, beliefs, interests and personalities.

You might really respect a person for being so positive and love spending time around this energy but you may not relate to their religious and political beliefs or work ethic.

What we can have, is the right people in our lives to give us what we need. And when I say “what we need”, I mean a shoulder to cry on, a good laugh, a fun night out, someone you can count on, being able to have a heart to heart or even just to hang out.

Life can get really hectic and everybody has their own stuff going on, so people aren’t always available when you need them. This is why it’s getting more and more important to have different people in our lives for different reasons.

It doesn’t take away from any of the people already in your life, it just releases the pressure you may place on yourself for them to be that everything for you. You may even find it makes your relationship stronger because you’ve released any expectations you have of them.

If you feel like you are not getting all of your needs met, maybe having more friends in your life is the answer.

Expectations

A strong belief that something will happen or be the case.

Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them. But not everyone is like us.

Our expectations can get the better of us when we expect more than what is realistic in a given situation. We might expect our friends to live up to what we see in films, or even to match up to what we see on Social Media where quite often what is portrayed is not reality.

“Trade your expectations for appreciation and see how your friendships transform.”

~ Author Unknown ~

“Expectation feeds frustration as it’s simply an elusive form of control by attempting to grip the reins that aren’t ours to hold. Breathe. Release. Let go. Allow your life to naturally, quietly unfold.”

~ Victoria Erickson ~

“Sometimes we create our own heartbreaks through unrealistic expectations.”

~ Author Unknown ~

‘I have many friends in my life that fulfill all of my needs.’