Empower Newsletter – June 2014

Welcome to the June 2014 edition of the Empower Newsletter.  This month the focus is on bringing our attention to habits that may not be getting us the results we want.

Did you know?

‘our habits can hinder our results!’

We all have a lot of great habits like brushing our teeth before we go to bed, kissing our partners goodbye before we walk out of the door, feeding the animals at a certain time each day, eating our vegetables, driving the same way to work each day, telling our loved ones that we love them and exercising throughout the week.

Habits are something we don’t usually think about, and that is fine when the habit serves, supports or nurtures us in some way. The scary part is that we not only have good habits, most of us have habits that hinder us as well.

So if you are struggling to get the results you want in a particular area, it may be as simple as consciously looking at what habits are associated with what you want to achieve.

Whether it is creating a better relationship with our partners by telling them we love them regularly, being more hygienic by brushing our teeth every day, or being nicer to yourself by changing your internal dialogue, getting more done by jumping straight into it instead of procrastinating, eating healthier by trying new things, feeling healthier by getting a glass of water instead of a cup of coffee, or feeling better about yourself by choosing the healthier option.

Whatever the habit is, it can be changed. Habits are created by us, which means they can be stopped by us!

It is commonly believed that a habit takes 21 days to create. I believe it is repetition that creates a habit, so depending on how many times a day you do it determines how many days it will take to create it. For example is you change jobs and have to answer the phone with a different greeting, it may happen automatically after 21 times not 21 days.

Once you have worked out what habit/s are hindering your results, I suggest changing the habit instead of stopping it completely. This way instead of not doing it at all, you can replace it with something that will eventually get you the desired result.

Most importantly don’t become discouraged if the desired behaviour doesn’t become automatic right away. The habit you want to change has probably been happening for most of your life!

Definition

Habit

An acquired behaviour pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary: the habit of looking both ways before crossing the street.

Something to Ponder

Some rules are nothing but old habits that people are afraid to change!

Are your rules stopping you from getting what you want?

Quote of the Month

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”

~ Mahatma Gandhi ~

Affirmation Corner

‘All of my habits are positive and beneficial.’

and

‘All of my habits support me in positive ways.’

Empower Newsletter – May 2014

Welcome to the May 2014 edition of the Empower Newsletter. This month discover how our expectations create our reality and how to create a different reality by changing your expectations.

Did you know?

‘our expectations create our reality!’

Do you expect things to turn out the way you would like them to or do you expect things to go wrong? And how can what we expect actually have anything to do with what the actual results are?

The short answer is that depending on what we expect, will determine what we look for and hence determine our results. For example, if you expect things not to work out, you will see all the things that go wrong. Whereas if you expect things to go well, you are more inclined to see the things that are going well.

Humans constantly distort, delete and generalise every moment of every day. One reason we do this is because we cannot possibly take in everything that is happening around us. Whilst you are reading this newsletter, before I pointed it out, were you aware of any background noise, your breath going in and out, any smells around you, or the feel of the material on your skin? If not, it is because you were not focusing directly on them at that time, you were focusing on something else.

Depending where our focus is and what we are giving our attention to in any given situation will determine what we look for, and what we look for then determines what we see. What we have seen is our reality!

What we focus on is what we get to the exclusion of everything else!

An example I often use to illustrate this principle is after buying a new car, you then suddenly start to see it everywhere (even the same colour). It’s not that they haven’t always been there, it’s that our focus has changed so we now see them.

What are you focusing on? If your expectations are creating a life you would rather move away from, a good place to start changing this is to consciously look for the things that will give you the result you would like.

Are you choosing to focus on all the good things that happen in your life or are you choosing to focus on the opposite?

Definition

Expectations

The act or the state of expecting.

Expectations are driven by beliefs, society, culture, and past experiences – expectations by others around us (known to us and strangers) and most importantly expectations of ourselves.

Something to Ponder

“Life is the result of your belief and expectations!”

Just because you’ve believed something is true, even if you’ve believed it for a long period of time, that doesn’t mean that it is actually true or that it has to be true for the future.

Quotes of the Month

“In order to win, you must expect to win.”

~ Richard Bach ~

“You might not always get what you want, but you always get what you expect.”

~ Charles H. Spurgeon~

Affirmation Corner

‘I see all the good that is happening in every situation of my life.’

Empower Newsletter – April 2014

Welcome to the April 2014 edition of the Empower Newsletter. This month the theme is about how we can control our moods if we choose to.

Did you know?

‘you control your own mood!’

Have you ever woken up and for some reason felt like crap? Maybe something or a few things went wrong during the morning that made you decide you were going to have or already are having a ‘bad’ day. It could have been some disappointing news, a fight with a loved one or you may have slept in. For whatever reason/s we decide it is a bad day or going to be a bad day, they are exactly that, ‘reasons’.

Just because you have one, two, three or more reasons for things not going to plan, does not have to automatically mean that the rest of the day is going to be bad. It can easily become a habit or pattern that when a certain number of things go wrong, we decide that it will set the tone for the entire day. How many things have to go wrong for you to decide you are having a ‘bad’ day?

The ironic thing is that we dismiss or delete all of the things that did go well. Like getting out of bed, having a hot shower, our car starts, being able to spend time with our family or even getting to our destination safely.

It is ultimately our choice what mood we choose to be in every minute of the day.

It helps if we remind ourselves that we cannot control what other people do, think or say; or some of the things that happen around us. What we can control is our reaction to what has happened. We can then decide that we will not let circumstances beyond our control dictate our mood.

Another fantastic way to change our mood is to think of all the things and people in our life that we are grateful for. Things like our loved ones being healthy, having a family that love us and that we love, having a roof over our head, enjoying participating in our hobbies or even feeling the sun on our skin.

By taking our mind off ourselves and instead choosing to see all the good in our lives will create a great energy whilst ensuring that we focus on others instead of ourselves. It also has the ability to change our mood instantly. It reminds me of that great saying that ‘joy is in the giving not the receiving!’

What mood will you choose today?

Definition

Choose

1. To select from a number of possibilities; pick by preference.

2. To prefer or decide (to do something).

3. To want; desire.

Something to Ponder

“I am 100% responsible for everything that happens to me!”

I don’t care if the above statement is true or not. I care that it helps me to feel the way I want to and also to achieve my dreams. And it’s not about BLAME or FAULT. It’s about CHOOSING how we respond to what happens rather than REACTING emotionally and with drama and acting as if we’re helpless.

Quote of the Month

“Choosing to be positive and having a grateful attitude is going to determine how you’re going to live your life.”

~ Joel Osteen ~

Affirmation Corner

‘Happiness exists where I choose to look for it.’

and/or

‘I choose to be happy.’

Empower Newsletter – March 2014

Welcome to Autumn and the March 2014 edition of the Empower Newsletter. Like leaves falling from a tree, letting go of excuses and reasons will create a ripple effect to giving us what we want in our lives.

Did you know?

‘you can have results or you can have reasons!’

I hired a paddle board yesterday and had to sign a waiver saying that I am responsible for any mishaps or injury I may have. It got me wondering, How is it someone else’s fault if I slip off a paddle board and break my arm?

When did it become common practice for service providers to have to do this to cover themselves against being sued for any mishaps? When did we stop taking responsibility for our choices and actions?

If there is no faulty equipment and safety instructions are followed, surely it is not anyone else’s fault if we are injured.

It has become way too easy for us to blame others, not only in relation to service providers but also in our lives generally. Is it someone else’s fault that you don’t like your job or that you are unhappy with your relationship? Do you blame others for your unhappiness and think if only my upbringing was different or if only my partner or by boss would change, I would then be happy?

When we blame others we are actually giving away our power and giving someone or something else control.

By not blaming others we hold onto our personal control which enables us to make the necessary changes within ourselves to start making decisions that will improve our quality of life. Whether it is our dream job, perfect relationship or something else, we have the power to make it happen.

If what you want seems insurmountable, break it down in smaller chunks and start with little things like enrolling in a course relevant to your dream job. If you want a better relationship, start by changing something about yourself, instead of expecting others to change. By continually making changes to ourselves is how we eventually get what we want.

What’s the alternative, staying stuck by continually blaming others and expecting them to change, or making excuses as to why you are right and they are wrong. This will only ensure that you get more of what you are currently getting. So if you are living the life you want, don’t change a thing!

Remember, if nothing changes then nothing changes!

Definition

We are each responsible for our own lives

Though we may not be able to control what goes on in the world around us, we can always control how we respond to those events.

If we always act/respond in the same way then the most likely result is that we will maintain the status quo.

Something to Ponder

Tips for accepting personal responsibility:
• Accept responsibility for your responses to the people, actions, and events in your life
• Accept that you are completely responsible for your own choices
• Be open to change, new ideas or concepts about life and the way life is
• Get help from others
• Let go of fear and irrational beliefs
• Release anger, fear, blame, mistrust, and insecurity
• Take some risks, be prepared to become vulnerable to change and growth in your life
• Open Up
• Use positive affirmations

Quote of the Month

“When you blame others, you give up your power to change.”

~ Unknown ~

Affirmation Corner

‘I truly take personal responsibility for my own blessed life daily.’

Empower Newsletter – February 2014

Welcome to the February 2014 edition of the Empower Newsletter. For most people the holiday season is over and it is time to get back into our daily routines. Some look forward to it and others don’t. This month the theme is around consciously choosing to see the good in our lives.

Did you know?

‘it is a choice to see good in our lives!’

A client recently said to me that she was now feeling really positive about the year ahead! This in itself probably doesn’t seem out of the ordinary but so many of us are stuck in a negative headspace forgetting to, or just not seeing, all the good that happens in our lives. Instead choosing to focus on all the negative and bad things that are happening to us or around us. For example, it would be so easy to jump on the ‘I am having a bad day’ band wagon. And when we have declared we are having a bad day, instantly our mood changes.

It reminds me when I climbed Mount Warning a couple of weeks ago with my mother and my friend Kellee. After missing a text from Kellee changing the pickup location, I could have quite easily declared that I was having a bad day. After driving for an hour and discovering that I had left the bag of sandshoes, one pair for myself and another two for Kellee to choose from, at the front door at home, I could have allowed that to change my mood or even worse, stop me from doing the walk. Instead I chose to focus on how much I wanted to do the walk and to have a great day. Kellee and I decided we would do the walk in our thongs so we powered on. Funny thing was about half way up one of my thongs broke which still didn’t stop me. Almost to the top, a couple of men engineered a solution to fix my thong with a plastic bag. Even though towards the end of the walk, I twisted my ankle, fell over and strained my knee, it still ended up being a fun day, laughing and talking to others we bumped into on the way about the thong debacle. It could have easily been a miserable day driving an hour back home unhappy. Instead we had the satisfaction of getting to the top, seeing the spectacular view and laughing at everything that happened.

Have you fallen into the habit of seeing the worst in situations, people, the world and/or yourself? If you have, the good news is that habits can be changed. It’s a matter of consciously focusing on and choosing to see the best in people, situations and yourself. By doing this you are developing that muscle. Eventually like any habit it will become natural after a while. How much better would you feel if you saw the beauty in your world and the good in people and situations?

Instead of thinking about the whole year as a whole, looking at each moment is a great place to start. How many events or mishaps does it take for you to choose to have a bad day? By not letting one, two or even three events change your mood, you are taking control back. We cannot control others and events! What we can control is our perceptions and reactions to others and events.

Definition

Focus

A point upon which attention, activity, etc, is directed or concentrated.

In coaching circles, it is commonly believed that what we focus on is what we get to the exclusion of anything else.

Something to Ponder

“People often use their story as a reason for not moving forward. They even use it and compete with other people and say ‘look, my life has been bad, worse than yours which is why I’m stuck’. If you tell your story enough, even you will eventually begin to believe it. Don’t let your story be the reason you choose to not move upward. Every single human being has a story; has been through hard times; has challenges to overcome; but do not let the story epitomize your now. Every story provides every human being with two options: 1. To use it as an excuse. 2. To use it as leverage to catapult forward. Which option will you choose?”

Quote of the Month

“There is no problem unless we choose to make it one, so think carefully before you act.”

~ David Marshall ~

Affirmation Corner

‘I now choose to see the abundant amount of good in my life and welcome all the good things that life has to offer.’

Empower Newsletter – January 2014

Welcome to the January 2014 edition of the Empower Newsletter. I trust you had a wonderful Christmas and saw the new year in healthy and happy! Traditionally the start of a year inspires New Year resolutions and goals for ourselves which in turn require us to change something. The theme this month is how to use ‘change’ to our advantage.

Did you know?

‘change is a good thing!’

Do you see change as something that is hard or scary, something that should be avoided at all costs? Maybe you see change as a necessary evil to get what you want!

How would it change your reality if you started to see ‘change’ as a positive thing, something that has the power to give you what you want? How much more pleasurable would it be to commit to the change?

In order to get what we want, it requires us to change something. If we don’t change something our outcomes will not change.

Albert Einstein said ’the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’

It might require us to change a behaviour, the way we think, to start or stop something or to even change a belief.

When we are going through the process of change, whether it is to achieve our goals or it is out of necessity, how we perceive change can dictate success or failure.

If change seems hard, if it seems like there are too many steps or it will take too long, it will help to break the goal down into steps. By taking one step at a time it will seem more manageable. Even if it is to get help or advice. One change at a time is all it takes to ultimately get what you want!

Another way is to change our perception of ‘change’ by thinking of it as simply doing something differently! And usually when it is different, it is new to us. And when something is new, it may seem hard or scary only because we haven’t done it before.

I remember how scary and hard it seemed the first time I sat in the driver’s seat. There was so much to remember, the brake, accelerator, clutch and gears, speedometer and blinkers. Well eventually I got the hang of it to the point that I don’t have to consciously think about how to drive anymore.

The way I eventually got my driver’s licence was by doing it. If I was too worried or scared about changing, by doing something which was different, I would probably still be catching the bus.

Definition

Perception

The way in which something is regarded, understood, or interpreted.

You can easily change your perception when you recognise the fact that you made it up in the first instance based on your beliefs and past experiences.

Something to Ponder

“The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”

~ William James ~

Quotes of the Month

“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.”

~ Jim Rohn ~

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”

~ Maya Angelou ~

Affirmation Corner

‘I change the world around me by changing myself.’

‘I handle all change that comes my way with grace and ease.’

Empower Newsletter – December 2013

Welcome to the December edition of the Empower Newsletter. It’s Christmas later this month and one way to enjoy it even more is to let go of expectations of others and to ‘live and let live’!

Did you know?

‘there is no right or wrong?’

‘Of course there is right and wrong’, I hear you say! Let me elaborate. I don’t mean breaking the law; I am referring to everyday beliefs, some of which are trivial and others not so trivial.

Things such as views on how we should raise children, our religious and spiritual beliefs, how we should behave in public, how often we should ring our friends, what is spoken about and what is not, what clothes people should and shouldn’t wear, having cosmetic surgery, being on time and even whether or not we should swear.

We have views on how we believe everything should be and if it is not that particular way, it must be ‘wrong’! It is not something we consciously think about, it is instinctual for most of us.

Have you ever wondered what it is about feeling ‘wrong’ that makes us want to justify that we are right, sometimes at any cost? Well for most people it can make them feel inferior, stupid or even not as good as the other person. And nobody wants to feel less than!

On the other side if we are ‘right’ (even if it is only in our own mind) we feel worthy, smart or even superior. Almost like we have won!

So if we ALL think ‘our’ way is the right way, who is right and who is wrong? Especially when we all think ‘our’ way is right!

I believe nobody is right and nobody is wrong! By adopting the belief that there is no right or wrong, just people who think differently or have different views, negates the feeling of being wrong. And when we do not feel wrong, there is no longer a need to feel right by making others wrong.

By changing the word ‘should’ to ‘could’ in relation to an expectation of others and yourself, will help us stop making ourselves and others wrong. It allows us to accept that it is only a difference of opinion or belief, which covers basically everything.

We really limit the friends we have as well. Why would we become friends with someone who we feel is consistently wrong! It makes sense that we tend to socialise with people that think similar and have similar beliefs to us.

It may take some practice to stop thinking others are wrong and to start believing there is no right or wrong. There are just different beliefs! Eventually it will become a habit!

Definition

Live and Let Live

is an idiom in which expresses the idea that all should be able to live their lives in the manner they want to, regardless of what others may think of them.

Something to Ponder

“It is very unnerving to be proven wrong, particularly when you are really right and the person who is really wrong is proving you wrong and proving himself, wrongly, right.”

~ Lemony Snicket, The Blank Book ~

Quotes of the Month

“Things are as they are. Looking out into it the universe at night, we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars, nor between well and badly arranged constellations.”

~ Alan Watts ~

“There is no such thing as right and wrong, there’s just popular opinion.”

~ Jeffrey Goines ~

Affirmation Corner

‘I am accepting in the same manner that I would also like to be accepted.’

~ Eleesha’

Empower Newsletter – November 2013

Welcome to the November edition of the Empower Newsletter. This month the theme is on showing more courage by saying “yes” to whatever it is you would like to do in your life.

Do you know?

‘what comes first, confidence or courage?’

So many of us don’t follow through on things we want because we don’t think we will be good enough. Some of us make excuses as to why we can’t or don’t do it and often tell ourselves we will do it when we feel more confident.

If we look back on personal achievements throughout our lives, we soon realise that first we had to start something before we felt confident. And to start something takes courage! For example before getting your driver’s licence, you had to learn how to drive. I know my confidence grew the more I did it! The more I practiced the more competent I felt and the more competent I felt the more confident I became. It wasn’t always that way though, it took a lot of courage to sit in the driver’s seat for the first time. All through our lives we have showed courage. Every time we started something new it took courage! The first time we turned up at our chosen sport or picked up a musical instrument took a lot of courage. Often the thought of what will happen when we start something is much worse than the actual event. These negative thoughts allow our lack of confidence to grow and take over from the courage that is in every one of us.

Often we take the courage we have shown in the past for granted or even worse, we forget about it and delete all evidence of ever having it.

If you are struggling to find the courage to do something that is important to you, start redeveloping your courage muscle, by learning to say “yes”. Saying “yes” means eliminating words like “Not now”, “Maybe later”, “The time isn’t right”, “I’m too busy”, It might not work”, It might not be right for me” and “I’m just not sure about this.”

Tips to make this work for you:

1. If you’re going to say “no”, say “no… not all the disguises;
2. If you’re going to say “no”, say “no, I choose not to”… it will stop you being able to hide behind the disguises;
3. When you notice one of the “no” patterns, ask yourself, “what is it about this that I am reluctant to experience?”;
4.Say “yes” even when you don’t have all the answers to what might happen;
5. Say “yes” if it’s going to stretch you outside your comfort zone;
6. Say “yes” if it’s a good first step towards achieving an outcome that is important to you.

Events Schedule

Chicks in the City

Due to my upcoming sea change, the last Sydney gathering for Chicks in the City was October 2013.

Stay tuned to this space for a new Byron Shire location!

Something to Ponder

“Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? What could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life – and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.”

~ Eckhart Tolle ~

Quotes of the Month

“There are an infinite number of reasons to say no. Instead, focus on one good reason to say yes.?”

~ Jarod Kintz ~

“If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes -then learn how to do it later!”

~ Richard Branson ~

Affirmation Corner

‘I say yes to life.’

‘I say yes to new experiences.’

‘I am noticing myself saying yes more and more.’

‘Saying yes is becoming easier every day.’

Empower Newsletter – October 2013

Welcome to the October edition of the Empower Newsletter. This month the theme is on the importance of the language (words) we use or don’t use to communicate with ourselves and others, and how it impacts our outcomes and results.

Did you know?

‘the word ‘try’ limits us’

The day to day language we use is often something we don’t really pay a lot of attention to and yet it plays a major role in creating our outcomes. By becoming more aware of the words we are using in our everyday conversations with ourselves and others, and by changing key words or in some cases deleting words, you will notice your results change.

The word ‘try’ is one of those words quite commonly used without us even realising that we are saying it. Many of my clients are surprised how much they use the word once it is pointed out to them. They say things like they have or will ‘try’ to do something. An example of this is, “I will try to go to the gym”, “I will try and do that”, or “I will try to get up early.”

I demonstrate to them how using this word does not only limit their sense of conviction but also their results. One way I do this is by placing a pen on the table next to them and then ask them to ‘try’ and pick it up (not to pick it up, just try to pick it up). In other words, they either pick it up or they don’t. How do they ‘try’ to pick it up? So how do they ‘try’ and go to the gym? They either go to the gym or they don’t!

The next step is for them to say the sentence again without the word ‘try’ in it. Straight away they notice the difference it makes. There is so much more conviction in a statement without the word ‘try’ in it. Give it a go! Add the word ‘try’ to something you want to do and then say it again without the word ‘try’ and notice how more powerful it feels and sounds. Notice how much more focused you are to do it just because you said you would.

I personally think using the word ‘try’ somehow gives us an out or an excuse if we don’t do it! It’s like, “I only said I would try to do it, so it is okay that I didn’t”.

Another side benefit of deleting this word from your vocabulary is being taken more seriously by others. If someone said they will do something for me as opposed to saying they will ‘try’ to do it, I would definitely have more faith that they will do it. They come across with more conviction.

By deleting the word ‘try’ from your vocabulary altogether will create more powerful and definite statements which will translate to your outcomes and achievements. Leaving the word out may take a bit of practice at first but eventually it will become a habit. A habit that will get you different results.

Events Schedule

Chicks in the City
Wed 16/10/2013 at 6.30pm

The next gathering for Chicks in the City will be Wednesday 16th October 2013.

Chicks in the City meet the third Wednesday of the month from 6.30pm to 8.00pm at Ryde Eastwood Leagues Club, 117 Ryedale Road, West Ryde in the lounge area next to the Bistro.

Chicks in the City is a group for women to connect. Basically it’s all about hanging out with women, meeting new friends, socialising, finding like-minded women to chat to or even making long lasting friendships.

All women are welcome and it’s free.

Something to Ponder

For the things we cannot do because we have to learn them, we learn by doing them.’

~ Aristotle ~

Quote of the Month

“Do or do not… there is no try.”

~ Yoda (Star Wars) ~

“If you had started doing anything two weeks ago, by today you would have been two weeks better at it.”

~ John Mayer ~

Affirmation Corner

‘As I proclaim my intention, my life unfolds accordingly.’

Empower Newsletter – September 2013

Events Schedule

Chicks in the City
Wed 16/10/2013 at 6.30pm

The next gathering for Chicks in the City will be Wednesday 16th October 2013. We will not be meeting in September.

Chicks in the City meet the third Wednesday of the month (excluding September) from 6.30pm to 8.00pm at Ryde Eastwood Leagues Club, 117 Ryedale Road, West Ryde in the lounge area next to the Bistro.

Chicks in the City is a group for women to connect. Basically it’s all about hanging out with women, meeting new friends, socialising, finding like-minded women to chat to or even making long lasting friendships.

All women are welcome and it’s free.

Something to Ponder

“People change. Their interests change. Their views change. Their circumstances change.”

~ Steve Maraboli ~

Quote of the Month

“Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now.”

~ Denis Waitley ~

Affirmation Corner

‘Everything is working out for me now!’