Empower Newsletter July 2019

‘how do you know what it means?’

 

When a friend walks straight past you and hasn’t said hello, does your mind automatically go into overdrive thinking about what you have done to them?

 

When we do this it translates into how it must be our fault.  A lot of energy and time is put into thinking about if we said something wrong last time we saw them or what it is that we could have done.  All of this is not only taking us away from being in the moment and thinking about and doing more important things, it is creating a whole lot of limiting thoughts and feelings.

 

Instead of expending all of that mental energy and time thinking and worrying about it, we could decide not to own it and/or ask questions.

 

It more than likely has nothing to do with us anyway.  Some of us automatically seem to think everything that happens is about us, when in actual fact most things are not.  In the example above, this friend could have just had an argument with a family member and is in their own head, doing exactly what you were just doing in relation to thinking about why they didn’t say hello.  They could be thinking through a problem or a decision they need to make and didn’t even notice you.

 

It’s happened to me before, I swear a friend is looking straight at me and yet still does not acknowledge me.  In every case when I’ve mentioned it it’s been that they were a thousand miles away; that they were not consciously looking at me.

 

The same principal is relevant when we apply for a job and are unsuccessful.  Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason as to why we didn’t get it, but that doesn’t stop us making it about us and this ultimately turns into how we just weren’t good enough.  We are still the same person, with the same skills and yet it is so easy to beat up on ourselves by making it personal.  This then leads to negative thoughts and feelings which ultimately affects our behaviour and self-worth.

 

So instead of thinking things that happen are about us and making it mean something that we have no idea what it actually means, we could choose to believe that their behaviour is about what is going on with them (which it probably is), or in the case of not getting the job, that we just didn’t get it and think about what could we do to improve our chances next time.

 

That way we can stay in the present moment interacting, enjoying, concentrating, focusing or just being, whilst keeping our self-worth intact.

 

Assumption

 

1. A thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.
2. The action of taking on power or responsibility.

 

 

We should always be willing to look carefully at the assumptions we make. If need be, we should never be afraid to challenge their validity. Ask questions. Unless we do so, we will only end up missing opportunities and causing problems for ourselves that we could have avoided in the first place.

 

 

“If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don’t tell us something we make assumptions to fulfil our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. Even if we hear something and we don’t understand we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don’t have the courage to ask questions.”

~ Miguel Ruiz ~

 

“As you think, so you become…..Our busy minds are forever jumping to conclusions, manufacturing and interpreting signs that aren’t there.”

~ Epictetus ~

 

‘If I don’t know I ask questions.’

 

 

No Comments

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a comment

*Name

*Email (not published)

Website