Empower Newsletter – July 2020
Welcome to the July 2020 edition of the Empower Newsletter. This month the focus is on looking at what sort of behaviours we feel familiar and comfortable with and acknowledging where they came from.
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Did you know? |
we are attracted to our ‘familiar’
In terms of the way you express yourself, do you ever wonder why you are with the person you are with or why you were attracted to them in the first place when you express yourself so differently?
My theory is that because we have grown up with our parents being and acting a certain way, that has become familiar and our ‘normal’ and because it is our normal we unconsciously feel great comfort in it, almost like eating our favorite comfort food.
We are attracted to our familiar
For example you might have grown up with a parent who handled their frustrations inwardly whilst keeping calm on the outside. This behaviour would have been your ‘normal’ everyday existence. After spending your adolescence surrounded by this it became your ‘normal’ and in that normality comes the comfort. Now imagine if you were in a relationship with someone who handled their frustrations out loud in an angry manner! That would definitely not be ‘normal’ for you hence you would not find any comfort in that behaviour. In fact you would feel uncomfortable with it.
Let me articulate by saying that there is no right or wrong behaviour. What I am pointing out is that there is comfort in what we are used to! And what we are used to may not necessarily be serving us.
Imagine if you grew up with a parent that expressed themselves by talking about their feelings to sort something out, but have found yourself in a relationship where that person does not want to talk about feelings. You would definitely be outside of your comfort zone because it’s not your ‘normal’.
We are attracted to what feels ‘normal’ to us! That is, we feel comfort in what we are used to. And because it feels normal to us, our normal gives us comfort.
Comfort in normality
Our ‘normal’ is not necessarily right or wrong, it is just what we are used to and are comfortable with.
Hopefully this article has given you a better understanding about where your ‘normal’ came from.
Definition |
Familiar
A form of remembering in which a situation, event, place, person, or the like provokes a subjective feeling of recognition and is therefore believed to be in memory, although it is not specifically recalled.
Something to Ponder |
“So familiarity is, for instance, ‘I have this pair of shoes and they are spoiled. They are dangerous and they don’t fit well, but I am used to them. So I feel safe in them but actually I could fall and they could kill me.’
We have a tendency to repeat situations that feel familiar. For example, if someone grew up with a verbally abusive parent for whom nothing they did was ever good enough, they may then subconsciously seek out romantic relationships with angry, dismissive people.”
~ businessinsider.com.au ~
Quote of the Month |
“Just because something is familiar, doesn’t mean it’s safe. And just because something feels safe, doesn’t mean it’s good for you.”
~ Brittany Burgunder ~
Affirmation Corner |
‘I feel comfortable expressing myself in a way that serves me.’
Newsletters | Di | 
June 30, 2020 1:37 pm
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