Empower Newsletter – April 2018

‘you are perfect just the way you are’

Over the past couple of days whilst talking to a couple of different friends and reading an article, it has reminded me that sometimes we lose track of how truly amazing we all are.

We are not infallible, and we were not designed to be that way!  We are all on a learning journey, and along the way we are ALL going to make mistakes.

It may be in the form of feeling like you have hurt someone’s feelings, made a mistake in your work or made the wrong choice about something.

Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. We are all on a journey, which in part includes accepting our limitations.

The habit of making these mistakes mean more than they actually do, only help to keep us in a place of feeling lesser than or not good enough.  When in actual fact, the mistake means nothing more than that, ‘it was just a mistake.’  Nothing more and nothing less!

You may choose to do things differently in the future, but for now it doesn’t mean anything about you.  You were born perfect and you are still perfect just the way you are!

When we decide that it does mean something about us such as, we are a bad or stupid person, it affects us in many unhealthy ways.  It could be through negative thoughts about ourselves, mulling it over and over again in our heads and even unconsciously sabotaging ourselves because we think we are unworthy or that we think we need to be punished.

By letting it be what it is, ‘a mistake,’ it helps us to stay in the present moment and allows us to continue moving forward in a healthy positive way.

Remember to focus on progress rather than perfection and on how far you’ve come rather than on how far you have left to go!

And another thing, remember you are amazing just the way you are

Meaning of Events

Most of us most of the time never distinguish between actual events and how the events occur to us.  We think the latter is real and therefore we deal with the “occurring” as if it is the actual reality.

No event has an inherent meaning because any event could have a multitude of meanings and you can’t ever draw any conclusions, for sure, from any event. Meaning exists only in the mind, not in the world.

Nothing has meaning except the meaning we give it.

“We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” ~ Lori Deschene ~

“Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others.” ~ Lama Yeshe ~

“Perfectionism is the belief that life is broken…Wholeness lies beyond perfection. The life within us is diminished by judgment….”~ Dr. Naomi Remen ~

‘I am perfect just the way I am.’

Empower Newsletter – March 2018

‘gratitude unlocks the fullness of life’

It was at Yoga that I was reminded how powerful it is to be grateful!  Grateful for everything big and small that we have in our lives and the shift it can have on our emotions.  It has the power to not only pull us out of our heads and back into the now, but also to leave us feeling more content.

The class started with this beautiful quote by Medody Beattie: -

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.

I have written about ‘gratitude’ before and how, I believe, it is the secret to happiness.  And although most of us know this, it can be so easy to lose sight of what we have in our lives and instead get caught up in what we don’t have or with things that are happening with us and around us.

This stops us living in the ‘now’ and enjoying the present moment!

There are so many things to be thankful for.  If you have trouble thinking of some things in your life to be grateful for, start with some basics like having a roof over your head, enough food to eat, a hot shower every day, clean water, a bed to sleep in, etc.  Then move onto bigger reasons.  For example, your health, your eye sight and hearing, people in your life you love, being loved, having a job, a car, enough money to buy things you want and having a choice.  Gratitude doesn’t stop there.  What about the feelings we have about ourselves that can include feeling safe, secure, connected, and the sense of contribution and significance.

There is only one way to see what a difference being grateful will make to your inner happiness, and that is to ‘just do it.’ Whether it is a ritual each morning when you wake up or something you do throughout the day, it doesn’t matter. It will soon become a way of being because the feelings created by it will become addictive and you will continually reap the benefits.

Gratitude

Thankfulness, gratefulness, or appreciation is a feeling or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive.

Experiencing and expressing gratitude is an important part of any spiritual practice.  It opens the heart and activates positive emotion centres in the brain.  Regular practice of gratitude can change the way our brain neurons fire into more positive automatic patterns. The positive emotions we evoke can soothe distress and broaden our thinking patterns so we develop a larger and more expansive view of our lives.  Gratitude is an emotion of connectedness, which reminds us we are part of a larger universe with all living things.

~ Psychologytoday.com ~

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

~ Oprah Windrey ~

‘I am so grateful for everything in my life.’

Empower Newsletter – February 2018

‘reassessing creates more direction’

Have you ever been so caught with all of your responsibilities that you just go through the motions and continue to do what you have always done?

Most of us have been guilty of this at one point or another in our lives. It can be easy to just sail through life without reassessing if what we want out of life has changed.

For example, your children may not be children anymore and this may have created less of a financial burden and given you more free time. By reassessing this situation, it may be an option to change from full time to part time employment.  It may even give you the time to start writing that book, to exercise more or to do what you always wanted to do when you had more time.

Your situation may have changed in other ways too which may mean that you no longer need to do what you have been doing.

If your life has not changed, it is still a good idea to reassess to confirm you still want the same things in life.

So if what we want has changed, logically what needs to happen to get it will also need to change!

Reassessing your life will keep you moving forward.  It will help you decide what’s important to you. Whether it’s money, experiences, success, family or relationships it doesn’t matter.  The important thing is that it is what YOU want.

If you don’t keep reassessing your life, life will just happen to you, and you’ll be forced to go along for the ride.  Take control of your life and start driving it in the direction you want!

Start spending your time, money and energy on the things you want!  If there are areas in your life you spend too much time, money or energy on that don’t serve you, STOP!

And remember ‘there is always another way!’  You may not have seen it before or you may not have previously been as committed.

Reassessing

• to assess (something) again
• re-evaluate
• weigh up again

If you reassess something, you think about it and decide whether you need to change your opinion about it.

Something to Ponder

If you need help reassessing begin by making a list of all the areas of your life that are important to you. Your list will be unique to you but you might want to include work, love, friendship, health, money, helping others, personal development and enjoying yourself.  When you have completed this assessment spend some time deciding which of these areas you are going to focus on changing.

Sometimes pursuing your purpose means reassessing your life and making changes.

Every dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change your world.

~ Authors unknown ~

‘I know what I want because I continually reassess my life.’

Empower Newsletter – January 2018

‘you make decisions based on self beliefs’

Very early in our lives we started to believe that we were a certain way and formed beliefs about ourselves.  These beliefs can be positive or negative!  For example, as a child we may have made something that happened to us mean that we were not good enough.  It could have been a teacher, parent, relative or friend who laughed when we got a question wrong or called us stupid when we merely didn’t understand.

Once we have created a belief about ourselves we start gathering evidence to support this belief deleting, distorting and generalising any evidence to the contrary.  For example, after being disciplined as a youngster, we may have consciously or unconsciously made this mean that it must have happened because we were not good enough.  And after that event, every time we were disciplined for any reason at all, it continually proved that we were right.

The thing is, because we were busy gathering evidence to support this belief we were actually deleting, distorting and generalising every time we were good enough.  For example, when we were praised, won awards or accomplished something.

Once we have created a belief about ourselves we then make decisions based on that belief. For example, we might not have chosen to follow a career we were passionate about because we considered ourselves not good enough to do it.

On the opposite side of the coin, if we formed a belief that we could do anything we wanted, again discarding, distorting and generalising alternate evidence, and then gathered evidence to support that belief, then we would make decisions based on that belief.

Can you imagine the different decisions made by each of these belief systems? Which belief do you think would create more happiness?

The good news is that beliefs can be changed.  Once a disempowering belief has been acknowledged and the decision is made to change it, a good place to start is to acknowledge or even write down all the things that happened in your life to support your new belief that you had previously deleted, distorted or generalised.  It may even help to ask family members or friends for their recollections.

Here’s to making every day decision based on your new belief about yourself!

Self Beliefs

Beliefs are the assumptions we make about ourselves, about others in the world and about how we expect things to be. Beliefs are about how we think things really are, what we think is really true and what therefore expect as likely consequences that will follow from our behaviour.

Expressing a strong intention or assertion about the future:

• “come what may, I will succeed”

Many of the limitations you face in life are self-imposed. What you believe about yourself can keep you locked behind your fears or thrust you forward into living your dreams.

“If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you’re right,”

~ Mark Twain ~

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I shall have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it, even if I may not have it at the beginning.”

~ Mahatma Gandhi ~

‘I am capable of reaching any goal.’

Empower Newsletter – December 2017

Welcome to the December 2017 edition of the Empower Newsletter.  This month the focus is on being able to more easily take control of your moods.

‘how you can change your mood’

Have you ever woken up in the morning feeling flat or zapped of energy or had a couple of things not go according to plan throughput the day that has triggered the same sort of feelings?

Well if you have, there are a few simple ways to change this mood.

The first step is to own it! After all who decides how you feel, is it you or does someone else do it for you? Owning it gives you the power to change it.

Step two is to decide you want to change it. If not that’s fine too. As long as you realise you are choosing it.  If you are choosing it it’s a good idea to decide how long you will do it.

The next few steps can be done in any order you like.  It may take one, two or all of them to create the change.

Change your physiology! If you are standing, stand up straight.  If you are sitting, sit up straight.  Pull your shoulders back.  And last but not least, smile.

It’s amazing what a few physical changes can make to the way we feel.

Change what you are thinking! Start thinking about all the good things you have in your life.  It could be the basics of having access to a hot shower anytime you like, plenty of food to eat, a roof over your head, your health, your families health and then work your way up from there.  Basically anything that helps you to feel grateful.

Think about what would make you feel better! For example think about something you are looking forward to in the future.

If there is something in your life that is constantly creating these feelings think about what it is you need to do or change in order to stop them? And then make a choice to do it, or if you decide not to do anything realise that is a choice too.  You may even decide to change the way you respond to whatever has created these feelings.

How are you choosing to feel?

Mood

• a state or quality of feeling at a particular time
• a distinctive emotional quality or character
• a prevailing emotional tone or general attitude
• a frame of mind disposed or receptive, as to some activity or thing
• a state of sullenness, gloom, or bad temper

Happiness is a choice, not a result.  Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy.  No person will make you happy unless you decide to be happy.  Your happiness will not come to you.  It can only come from you.

~ Ralph Marston ~

“Every choice we have ever made equals who we are in this moment.  If tomorrow comes, choose wisely.”

~ Willie Herath ~

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try and cheer someone else up.”

~ Mark Twain ~

‘I easily choose and control my way of being.’

Empower Newsletter – November 2017

‘how to get the unwanted done’

Are you someone who has trouble getting motivated to do something you really don’t want to do but you think you really need to do it?

It could be as simple as preparing dinner, doing housework, exercising, studying, filing or even making that dreaded phone call.

If you are, you certainly aren’t alone, and if you would like to change this there are a few simple ways to help get yourself moving.

The first thing you can easily do is to change your language when you think or talk about whatever it is you need to do.  This is achieved by replacing words like ‘should’ and ‘might’ with the word ‘will’.

For example, instead of saying “I might go to the gym tomorrow” change it to “I WILL go to the gym tomorrow” or “I should make that phone call” to “I WILL make that phone call.”

By doing this it changes the whole intention of the statement. It changes it from being a wishy washy statement which is non-committal to a more powerful action you will take.  Try it on and see how it feels!

To take this even further, add a time line to it. “I WILL do my stretches before work tomorrow at 7am.” This takes the guess work and any procrastination out of when it will occur.

An additional technique is to ‘tell someone’.  Once you have said it out loud it makes you more accountable and it also allows them to support you.

If you are still having trouble getting motivated than this last technique will get you going.  It involves working out everything it will give you when you do it and of course, working out what won’t happen if you don’t do it.

It will also help to remember that our thoughts are usually a lot worse than the actual event.

Here’s to getting things done!

I Will

Expressing future tense and inevitable events.

When we say we “will” do something, it both assumes the potential and expresses a commitment. There is no maybe, no might, no “I’m thinking about it” — the major decision (to do it or not do it) has already been made.

“Will” is funny that way because once it is uttered, it both constrains and liberates us. It constrains us because it eliminates a lot of options of things we might do, but it liberates us because it can set us free from the sometimes crippling burden of choosing one option over the other.

“I guess I’m just one of these people who, when I decide I’m going to do something, I just do it.”

~ Tom Ford ~

“Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!”

~ Steve Maraboli ~

‘I will do it now just watch me.’

Empower Newsletter – October 2017

‘you haven’t failed unless you totally give up’

How many times do you have to try something before you give up, thinking you have failed?

By changing your answer (belief) to as many times as it takes, it would change your outcomes and life dramatically.

One belief is that we haven’t really failed unless we totally give up. This belief leaves us a lot of scope to not only help propel us forward, but also to inspire us to pick up the pieces and keep going.

It might be a year since you started writing that book but as long as you pick up where you left off it will eventually be finished.

To fail, you have to stop something with the intention of never doing it again.

So with this in mind what would you like to achieve in your life that you have struggled to get results with in the past?

‘The past does not equal the future.’

Maybe in the past you wanted to be a smaller size or two and during that journey you over indulged on occasion.  At this point a lot of people give up thinking that they have stuffed up so they stop.

This behaviour only encourages us to gather evidence to support that we are not good enough, because if we were we wouldn’t have failed right!

By changing our thinking, picking up the pieces and continuing we create a new belief system and outcome that will eventually get us what we want.

Some sort of adjustment, change or even a new skill set may be required, but if it is something you really want you will find a way.

Keep going and it will happen!  And along the journey you will be reinforcing that you are and always were good enough.

Continue

• Persist in an activity or process.
• Recommence or resume after interruption.

“What do you first do when you learn to swim? You make mistakes, do you not? And what happens? You make other mistakes, and when you have made all the mistakes you possibly can without drowning – and some of them many times over – what do you find? That you can swim? Well – life is just the same as learning to swim! Do not be afraid of making mistakes, for there is no other way of learning how to live!”

~ Alfred Adler ~

“The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.”

~ Buddha ~

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”

~ Albert Einstein ~

‘If at first things don’t work, I get up and keep going!’

Empower Newsletter – September 2017

‘there is always another way’

When you think you have done all you can there is always another way!

Say I placed a jar next to some pebbles and asked you to fill the jar as much as you possibly could!  You would probably position the pebbles in the jar according to size and squeeze the smallest ones in the gaps and when you could no longer squeeze another one in you would probably be happy that you have done as much as you possibly could to fill the jar right?

But there is always another way!

Someone else may look at the jar, see all the gaps in between the pebbles and decide that they could use sand to fill it up more.  Shaking the jar until the sand works its way to the bottom so more can be added until no more could possibly fit, surely you would be happy that you have done as much as you possibly could right?

But there is always another way!

The next person really thinking outside the norm decides there is more that can be done to fill the jar even further.  They start slowly pouring water into the jar until it absorbs into all of the sand.

Sometimes we stop ourselves from getting what we want by thinking we have done everything we can, when in actual fact there is always another way!  It is a choice to continue or to stop.

Here is another great example of finding a way to get what we want in relation to a career change.  Say you would like to change careers but are only seeing the reduction in income whilst you study or build up your skills.  After all you probably have a mortgage and a family to provide for.  Instead of looking for all the reasons why it is too hard or why you can’t, start looking for ways you could make the change.  By thinking outside the norm, you may realise you can do your studying par-time whilst you stay in your current role with your current income.  You may even have the choice to move into a part-time role in your current job whilst you pursue your new passion.

It could even be a matter of getting outside of your comfort zone or asking others for advice.  To let go of excuses and decide to start looking for ways and seeing opportunities around you that will get you want you ultimately want.

So next time you have a situation and decide you have done everything you can to solve it, remind yourself there is always another way.

Another Way

Different or distinct from the one first considered; the same scene viewed from another angle.

There is always another way to sort out different problems; sometimes all it takes is to look to resolve things in an alternative way. There are always two sides to everything, up as in down, out as inside, above so below. It is the same with all things in life, look to the other side of what is happening and you will find a different route to take. Never feel that you are stuck, use the opportunity to think outside of the box and suddenly you will see your way clear even if it is to do absolutely nothing and to let the moment pass.

‘There’s always a way through every challenge.

You need a heart full of commitment.

A lens focused on positivity.

And feet willing to travel unexplored paths.

Faith forward.   You’ll get there.’

Karen Salmansohn

‘When all doors close, open the ceiling or dig a hole.  There is always a way.  Be resourceful.’

Kute Blackson

‘I always find a way!’

Empower Newsletter – August 2017

‘you are so much more than what you do’

I was chatting to a friend the other day about how her friend is struggling at the moment because her children have left home and feels she doesn’t know who she is or where she fits in anymore.

It’s quite common to have an identity crises when we define ourselves as one thing and it is taken away. This then leads to questioning one’s self worth.

How do you define yourself?

Is it by your occupation, maybe it’s your beauty, being a mother, a wife, being well travelled, your health or by your body.

No matter how you define yourself it’s not who you are, it’s just something you do or an expression of you.

Your friends aren’t your friends because you are athletic or beautiful, they are your friend because of who you are and what you stand for.

You are not your looks, it’s just one expression of you. You are not a jet setter, it’s just something you do!

By understanding who you are on a core level is what really matters.  Knowing your deepest core values, motives, passions and ethics means that you don’t need to look for your identity externally.  It also means that you can easily avoid creating internal conflict because you live in harmony with who you really are.  Consequently, every role you fill in life becomes just one more expression of your true self.

So when something that makes you feel significant changes in your life and creates a void or an identity crises such as becoming an empty nester, losing your job or retiring, or starting to look older, instead of flogging a dead horse or feeling lost remind yourself that it’s not who you are, it’s something you did and use this new space to create a new opportunity to find the next thing you will do to help you feel significant!

Define

• State or describe exactly the nature, scope, or meaning of

• Mark out the boundary or limits of

You needn’t be defined by your past. And certainly, your future does not have to look like your past, unless you allow it to.

Sure, certain parts of your past were great, but…

The popular kid isn’t necessarily popular now.

The college quarterback doesn’t always make it to the NFL.

The child actor often doesn’t make it to the big screen.

Conversely…

The high-school nerd became Bill Gates.

The freshman bench-rider became Michael Jordan.

The poverty-stricken, abused girl became Oprah.

‘Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself and create your own sunshine.’

‘I am significant in many ways!’

Empower Newsletter – July 2017

‘what you expect can determine the outcome’

Are you someone who expects the best or the worst?

More specifically do you think a situation will turn out the way you want it to or do you think something will go wrong?

Some people expect something to go wrong so they won’t be disappointed when it does. They may even think the worst, so on an unconscious level when things don’t turn out, they can say they were right, that they knew it would happen or to maintain some sort of perceived control.  And there are people who expect things to go according to plan or a bit of both depending on the situation.

No matter how you think there is no right or wrong way, there are just different ways of thinking.

If you are someone who sometimes or never expects things to go well and this thinking isn’t working for you, I wonder if the outcome would change for the better if you started thinking the best.  In other words if you expect things to go well if the whole experience would change!

You see this change in thinking not only affects your confidence, enthusiasm, passion, the way you hold yourself when speaking and with interactions with others but also your results.

This is because your focus and energy is on what you are thinking, which is what you want and expect will happen instead of what you don’t want to happen.

Enjoyment energy comes from the degree of pleasure you experience from seeing, hearing, doing, feeling and imagining what you want. The level of excitement is a measure of the level of energy that feeds your expectation of more good. A decent metaphor would be that of turning yourself into a powerful magnet for good.

Give it a go! What do you have to lose besides the results (or should I say the non-results) you are currently getting.  And if you like your new results continue to consciously think that way until it becomes a habit.  Things may not always go according to plan but the way you feel and your mood during to whole process will be so much more beneficial to your wellbeing.

Expectation

Expectation is defined as believing that something is going to happen or believing that something should be a certain way.

The Power of Expectations

One of the most famous studies I have come across demonstrated the dramatic effects teachers’ expectations can have on their students’ performance. Elementary school teachers were told that some of their students showed great potential compared with other students based on an IQ test. In reality, no such test was taken. That is, some students were randomly selected for being labelled as having great potential while others were labelled as not having this potential. Despite the positively labelled students having no genuine advantage in potential over the rest of the students, they significantly outperformed the others during the school year. This was one of the key studies which brought to the forefront the power of people’s expectations in influencing performance. In this case, the teachers’ belief that certain students would excel was enough to bring about the expected result even though there was no legitimate basis for their positive expectations.

‘Expect the best and get it.’

~ Norman Vincent Peale ~

‘I expect the best!’