Empower Newsletter – August 2018

‘it could all be gone in the blink of an eye’

Is it just human nature or is it that we get so wrapped up in our lives, or the busyness of it, that we start taking things for granted?

I recently participated in a 50km cycle organised by ‘donate for life’ and a girl in front of us going downhill came off her bike.  It was such a bad accident we were worried that she may have done some permanent damage to her neck and/or her spinal cord.

It all happened in the blink of an eye and it made me think about how quick things can change and how much we can take things for granted.

Every now and then it’s good to get a bit of a jult to help us think about our lives and how good we really do have it.  There is always someone else worse off than us.

It’s easy to get caught up with the little things in life that aren’t going to plan such as not getting as much help around the house as you would like, maybe someone at work got that promotion over you or it could be as simple has having to go to work in the first place.

It is so easy to take advantage of the people in our lives, like our friends and family. Sometimes we make the fatal mistake of assuming that these people will just be there for us without providing extra effort. Sometimes we need a jolt to wake us up to what we have around us and the people, our health and opportunities we have.

Appreciation and gratitude is the key that can open the door to happiness, to stop us whinging about how tough we have it.  Appreciating and being grateful for the quality of our lives and the relationships we have can also be the catalyst to propel us to take action to get us to where we want to be in life.

What do you appreciate in your life?

Appreciate

1.    recognize the full worth of.

2.    understand (a situation) fully; grasp the full implications of.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, and confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

~ Melody Beattie ~

“Learn to appreciate what you have before time makes you appreciate what you had.”

~ Unknown author ~

“Feeling grateful or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life.”

~ Northrup Christiane ~

‘Thank you for being the reason I smile.’

Empower Newsletter – July 2018

contentment equals happiness

You can’t always control what happens in your life; what you can control is how you react to it!

Looking for the beauty and good in life is a great way of helping us to react in a way that will allow us to continue feeling content.

If there is a situation where you can’t find any beauty, be the propagator of that beauty.

Reframing, which is a different way of looking at something, is a perfect way to see the beauty in something where there may not seem to be any.  For example, how can there be any good when your washing machine leaks and ruins your carpet?  What about the feeling of ending up with good, lush, nice smelling, brand new carpet!  Or instead of being sacked from your job leaving you devastated, it can be reframed as creating new opportunities.

Another way is to replace “I’m sorry” with “Thank you.”  Here are some examples of what I mean: -

Instead of saying “Sorry for being late” say “Thanks for waiting” or “Thanks for your patience.”

Instead of saying “Sorry for raving on” say “Thank you for listening.”

Instead of saying “Sorry for being so boring“ say “Thank you for spending time with me.”

Instead of saying “Sorry I’m such a disappointment” say “Thank you for having hope in me.”

By saying ‘thank you’ you are not only giving others gratitude and appreciation instead of negativity, you are also improving the way you feel about yourself by not unknowingly lowering your self-worth and harming your self-confidence by apologising for actions and circumstances. It allows the feeling of contentment to continue.

Remember see the beauty where there is none!

Contentment

The state of being contented; satisfaction; ease of mind.

Something to Ponder

“For just one second, look at your life and see how perfect it is. Stop looking for the next secret door that is going to lead you to your real life. Stop waiting. This is it: there’s nothing else. It’s here, and you’d better decide to enjoy it or you’re going to be miserable wherever you go, for the rest of your life, forever.”

~ Lev Grossman, The Magicians ~

“What we see depends mainly on what we look for.”

~ John Lubbock ~

Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.”

~ Confucius ~

‘I now look for and see the beauty in my life!’

Empower Newsletter – June 2018

Self-care is the opposite of selfish!

Yoga has yet again given me the inspiration for this edition of the Empower Newsletter. Our session this week was dedicated to self-care and how we need to take time for ourselves so we can recharge our batteries to enable us to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.

It reminded me how very easy it is to get caught up in our everyday lives, feeling that we don’t have the time or energy to do things for ourselves.

A common answer I get when I ask ‘what is stopping you from doing what you enjoy’, is the feeling of guilt, usually because they are taking time away from someone else.  My next question is ‘if you are not at your best how can you give others your best?’

Taking this into consideration, is it fair to say that it is being selfish by not taking time out for self-care so one can be at their best for their loved ones, etc?

If you agree, how will you now choose to get your self-care so you can be at the top of your game?

It doesn’t matter what activity you decide is right for you.  Self-care is a personal thing and what is right for you may not be right for someone else.  Whatever makes you feel at your best is right for you.

Some people choose Yoga, meditation,  reading a good book, relaxing in a hot bath or going for a walk, while others may decide that more physical or social activities, like going to the gym or catching up with friends for a coffee, are what helps them feel nurtured.

Whatever it is, do it now so that your family and friends get the best of you, not what’s left of you!

Self-care

The practice of activities that are necessary to sustain life and health.

Self-care should always come first, but don’t let this lead you to thinking that self-care is “selfish”. I think of self-care like the airplane mask warning. When emergencies happen and the mask drops from the ceiling you are supposed to help yourself first. Then proceed to help others to put on their masks. The idea is that if you help others first, and fail, then there are two people out of commission. While if you take the time for a bit of self-care first (in the case of the plane putting on the gas mask) then you will be okay and in a position to help others more effectively.

“You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”

~ Eleanor Brownn ~

“Self-care is how you take your power back.”

~ Lalah Delia ~

‘I nurture myself daily!

Empower Newsletter – May 2018

how to ‘just do it!’

Have you ever said no, or not attempted something because it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to in the past?

I have! Last month my gym ran a competition to see who could do a one legged wall squat the longest.  Well at the beginning of the month I achieved, what I thought at the time was a fantastic time of 2 minutes.  The very next week one of the staff asked me if I wanted to have another go as someone had achieved 4 minutes.  My first reaction was to laugh in disbelief, remembering how hard and physically painful it was.  I said “I can’t possibly beat my last time of 2 minutes.” Luckily Brodie talked me into it because I ended up doing an extraordinary time of 6 minutes and 19 seconds.

This reminded me and proved to me yet again that “The past does not equal the future!”

If we look for evidence to support a belief that we couldn’t do it in the past, we will certainly find it.  In the same regard we will find evidence to support the opposite belief.

So next time you have an opportunity to attempt something you may have failed at in the past, look for evidence to support that it is possible, that you can actually do it, and just ‘go for it.’

Whether it was a course you didn’t get into or failed in the past, a job you didn’t get, a rejection, a diet you didn’t finish, a yoga pose or even a relationship or marriage that didn’t work, remember ‘the past does not equal the future.’

Changing what you are thinking and saying to yourself before and during will also have an astounding effect on your results.

You never know, you might even get what you want!

Just do it

To do something without overthinking or overanalysing!

§expressing a strong intention or assertion about the future:

Do it
Just do it
Yes you can
Just do it
If you’re tired of starting over
Stop giving up.

~ Author unknown ~

“If you’re waiting until you feel talented enough to do it, you’ll never do it.”

~ Criss Jami, Healology ~

“The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.”

~ Barack Obama ~

‘Yes I will!’

Empower Newsletter – April 2018

‘you are perfect just the way you are’

Over the past couple of days whilst talking to a couple of different friends and reading an article, it has reminded me that sometimes we lose track of how truly amazing we all are.

We are not infallible, and we were not designed to be that way!  We are all on a learning journey, and along the way we are ALL going to make mistakes.

It may be in the form of feeling like you have hurt someone’s feelings, made a mistake in your work or made the wrong choice about something.

Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. We are all on a journey, which in part includes accepting our limitations.

The habit of making these mistakes mean more than they actually do, only help to keep us in a place of feeling lesser than or not good enough.  When in actual fact, the mistake means nothing more than that, ‘it was just a mistake.’  Nothing more and nothing less!

You may choose to do things differently in the future, but for now it doesn’t mean anything about you.  You were born perfect and you are still perfect just the way you are!

When we decide that it does mean something about us such as, we are a bad or stupid person, it affects us in many unhealthy ways.  It could be through negative thoughts about ourselves, mulling it over and over again in our heads and even unconsciously sabotaging ourselves because we think we are unworthy or that we think we need to be punished.

By letting it be what it is, ‘a mistake,’ it helps us to stay in the present moment and allows us to continue moving forward in a healthy positive way.

Remember to focus on progress rather than perfection and on how far you’ve come rather than on how far you have left to go!

And another thing, remember you are amazing just the way you are

Meaning of Events

Most of us most of the time never distinguish between actual events and how the events occur to us.  We think the latter is real and therefore we deal with the “occurring” as if it is the actual reality.

No event has an inherent meaning because any event could have a multitude of meanings and you can’t ever draw any conclusions, for sure, from any event. Meaning exists only in the mind, not in the world.

Nothing has meaning except the meaning we give it.

“We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” ~ Lori Deschene ~

“Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others.” ~ Lama Yeshe ~

“Perfectionism is the belief that life is broken…Wholeness lies beyond perfection. The life within us is diminished by judgment….”~ Dr. Naomi Remen ~

‘I am perfect just the way I am.’

Empower Newsletter – March 2018

‘gratitude unlocks the fullness of life’

It was at Yoga that I was reminded how powerful it is to be grateful!  Grateful for everything big and small that we have in our lives and the shift it can have on our emotions.  It has the power to not only pull us out of our heads and back into the now, but also to leave us feeling more content.

The class started with this beautiful quote by Medody Beattie: -

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.

I have written about ‘gratitude’ before and how, I believe, it is the secret to happiness.  And although most of us know this, it can be so easy to lose sight of what we have in our lives and instead get caught up in what we don’t have or with things that are happening with us and around us.

This stops us living in the ‘now’ and enjoying the present moment!

There are so many things to be thankful for.  If you have trouble thinking of some things in your life to be grateful for, start with some basics like having a roof over your head, enough food to eat, a hot shower every day, clean water, a bed to sleep in, etc.  Then move onto bigger reasons.  For example, your health, your eye sight and hearing, people in your life you love, being loved, having a job, a car, enough money to buy things you want and having a choice.  Gratitude doesn’t stop there.  What about the feelings we have about ourselves that can include feeling safe, secure, connected, and the sense of contribution and significance.

There is only one way to see what a difference being grateful will make to your inner happiness, and that is to ‘just do it.’ Whether it is a ritual each morning when you wake up or something you do throughout the day, it doesn’t matter. It will soon become a way of being because the feelings created by it will become addictive and you will continually reap the benefits.

Gratitude

Thankfulness, gratefulness, or appreciation is a feeling or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive.

Experiencing and expressing gratitude is an important part of any spiritual practice.  It opens the heart and activates positive emotion centres in the brain.  Regular practice of gratitude can change the way our brain neurons fire into more positive automatic patterns. The positive emotions we evoke can soothe distress and broaden our thinking patterns so we develop a larger and more expansive view of our lives.  Gratitude is an emotion of connectedness, which reminds us we are part of a larger universe with all living things.

~ Psychologytoday.com ~

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

~ Oprah Windrey ~

‘I am so grateful for everything in my life.’

Empower Newsletter – February 2018

‘reassessing creates more direction’

Have you ever been so caught with all of your responsibilities that you just go through the motions and continue to do what you have always done?

Most of us have been guilty of this at one point or another in our lives. It can be easy to just sail through life without reassessing if what we want out of life has changed.

For example, your children may not be children anymore and this may have created less of a financial burden and given you more free time. By reassessing this situation, it may be an option to change from full time to part time employment.  It may even give you the time to start writing that book, to exercise more or to do what you always wanted to do when you had more time.

Your situation may have changed in other ways too which may mean that you no longer need to do what you have been doing.

If your life has not changed, it is still a good idea to reassess to confirm you still want the same things in life.

So if what we want has changed, logically what needs to happen to get it will also need to change!

Reassessing your life will keep you moving forward.  It will help you decide what’s important to you. Whether it’s money, experiences, success, family or relationships it doesn’t matter.  The important thing is that it is what YOU want.

If you don’t keep reassessing your life, life will just happen to you, and you’ll be forced to go along for the ride.  Take control of your life and start driving it in the direction you want!

Start spending your time, money and energy on the things you want!  If there are areas in your life you spend too much time, money or energy on that don’t serve you, STOP!

And remember ‘there is always another way!’  You may not have seen it before or you may not have previously been as committed.

Reassessing

• to assess (something) again
• re-evaluate
• weigh up again

If you reassess something, you think about it and decide whether you need to change your opinion about it.

Something to Ponder

If you need help reassessing begin by making a list of all the areas of your life that are important to you. Your list will be unique to you but you might want to include work, love, friendship, health, money, helping others, personal development and enjoying yourself.  When you have completed this assessment spend some time deciding which of these areas you are going to focus on changing.

Sometimes pursuing your purpose means reassessing your life and making changes.

Every dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change your world.

~ Authors unknown ~

‘I know what I want because I continually reassess my life.’

Empower Newsletter – January 2018

‘you make decisions based on self beliefs’

Very early in our lives we started to believe that we were a certain way and formed beliefs about ourselves.  These beliefs can be positive or negative!  For example, as a child we may have made something that happened to us mean that we were not good enough.  It could have been a teacher, parent, relative or friend who laughed when we got a question wrong or called us stupid when we merely didn’t understand.

Once we have created a belief about ourselves we start gathering evidence to support this belief deleting, distorting and generalising any evidence to the contrary.  For example, after being disciplined as a youngster, we may have consciously or unconsciously made this mean that it must have happened because we were not good enough.  And after that event, every time we were disciplined for any reason at all, it continually proved that we were right.

The thing is, because we were busy gathering evidence to support this belief we were actually deleting, distorting and generalising every time we were good enough.  For example, when we were praised, won awards or accomplished something.

Once we have created a belief about ourselves we then make decisions based on that belief. For example, we might not have chosen to follow a career we were passionate about because we considered ourselves not good enough to do it.

On the opposite side of the coin, if we formed a belief that we could do anything we wanted, again discarding, distorting and generalising alternate evidence, and then gathered evidence to support that belief, then we would make decisions based on that belief.

Can you imagine the different decisions made by each of these belief systems? Which belief do you think would create more happiness?

The good news is that beliefs can be changed.  Once a disempowering belief has been acknowledged and the decision is made to change it, a good place to start is to acknowledge or even write down all the things that happened in your life to support your new belief that you had previously deleted, distorted or generalised.  It may even help to ask family members or friends for their recollections.

Here’s to making every day decision based on your new belief about yourself!

Self Beliefs

Beliefs are the assumptions we make about ourselves, about others in the world and about how we expect things to be. Beliefs are about how we think things really are, what we think is really true and what therefore expect as likely consequences that will follow from our behaviour.

Expressing a strong intention or assertion about the future:

• “come what may, I will succeed”

Many of the limitations you face in life are self-imposed. What you believe about yourself can keep you locked behind your fears or thrust you forward into living your dreams.

“If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t, you’re right,”

~ Mark Twain ~

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I shall have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it, even if I may not have it at the beginning.”

~ Mahatma Gandhi ~

‘I am capable of reaching any goal.’

Empower Newsletter – December 2017

Welcome to the December 2017 edition of the Empower Newsletter.  This month the focus is on being able to more easily take control of your moods.

‘how you can change your mood’

Have you ever woken up in the morning feeling flat or zapped of energy or had a couple of things not go according to plan throughput the day that has triggered the same sort of feelings?

Well if you have, there are a few simple ways to change this mood.

The first step is to own it! After all who decides how you feel, is it you or does someone else do it for you? Owning it gives you the power to change it.

Step two is to decide you want to change it. If not that’s fine too. As long as you realise you are choosing it.  If you are choosing it it’s a good idea to decide how long you will do it.

The next few steps can be done in any order you like.  It may take one, two or all of them to create the change.

Change your physiology! If you are standing, stand up straight.  If you are sitting, sit up straight.  Pull your shoulders back.  And last but not least, smile.

It’s amazing what a few physical changes can make to the way we feel.

Change what you are thinking! Start thinking about all the good things you have in your life.  It could be the basics of having access to a hot shower anytime you like, plenty of food to eat, a roof over your head, your health, your families health and then work your way up from there.  Basically anything that helps you to feel grateful.

Think about what would make you feel better! For example think about something you are looking forward to in the future.

If there is something in your life that is constantly creating these feelings think about what it is you need to do or change in order to stop them? And then make a choice to do it, or if you decide not to do anything realise that is a choice too.  You may even decide to change the way you respond to whatever has created these feelings.

How are you choosing to feel?

Mood

• a state or quality of feeling at a particular time
• a distinctive emotional quality or character
• a prevailing emotional tone or general attitude
• a frame of mind disposed or receptive, as to some activity or thing
• a state of sullenness, gloom, or bad temper

Happiness is a choice, not a result.  Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy.  No person will make you happy unless you decide to be happy.  Your happiness will not come to you.  It can only come from you.

~ Ralph Marston ~

“Every choice we have ever made equals who we are in this moment.  If tomorrow comes, choose wisely.”

~ Willie Herath ~

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try and cheer someone else up.”

~ Mark Twain ~

‘I easily choose and control my way of being.’

Empower Newsletter – November 2017

‘how to get the unwanted done’

Are you someone who has trouble getting motivated to do something you really don’t want to do but you think you really need to do it?

It could be as simple as preparing dinner, doing housework, exercising, studying, filing or even making that dreaded phone call.

If you are, you certainly aren’t alone, and if you would like to change this there are a few simple ways to help get yourself moving.

The first thing you can easily do is to change your language when you think or talk about whatever it is you need to do.  This is achieved by replacing words like ‘should’ and ‘might’ with the word ‘will’.

For example, instead of saying “I might go to the gym tomorrow” change it to “I WILL go to the gym tomorrow” or “I should make that phone call” to “I WILL make that phone call.”

By doing this it changes the whole intention of the statement. It changes it from being a wishy washy statement which is non-committal to a more powerful action you will take.  Try it on and see how it feels!

To take this even further, add a time line to it. “I WILL do my stretches before work tomorrow at 7am.” This takes the guess work and any procrastination out of when it will occur.

An additional technique is to ‘tell someone’.  Once you have said it out loud it makes you more accountable and it also allows them to support you.

If you are still having trouble getting motivated than this last technique will get you going.  It involves working out everything it will give you when you do it and of course, working out what won’t happen if you don’t do it.

It will also help to remember that our thoughts are usually a lot worse than the actual event.

Here’s to getting things done!

I Will

Expressing future tense and inevitable events.

When we say we “will” do something, it both assumes the potential and expresses a commitment. There is no maybe, no might, no “I’m thinking about it” — the major decision (to do it or not do it) has already been made.

“Will” is funny that way because once it is uttered, it both constrains and liberates us. It constrains us because it eliminates a lot of options of things we might do, but it liberates us because it can set us free from the sometimes crippling burden of choosing one option over the other.

“I guess I’m just one of these people who, when I decide I’m going to do something, I just do it.”

~ Tom Ford ~

“Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!”

~ Steve Maraboli ~

‘I will do it now just watch me.’